have always...

i was given an option to choose. i did not think i would get any. i have always been under the impression that when things get back to the way it used to be, so would i. but no. this time round, i was given an option.

it is not like i have not thought about it. which would work out better for me. the thing about it is, i have always based it on my "loyalty" or the correctness of the situation. i have never thought of it in the light of my future. now that the option has once again resurfaced, but needing to see it and deciding differently, i am having a tough time making my mind up.

somehow, somewhere deep down inside, i know it would be just like the way it was. that is the downside of being a cancerian. that i very much prefer comfort and familiarity over anything else. i know, i am already in my comfort zone. i have thoughts of leaving it. again. yet, i do not have any valid reason to.

reflection.

i want a face off. so much so it's disappointing. not only that. i am upset. is it a good thing now that it's permanent?

long gone 2008. is 2009 about being apart?

it is coming to the third week of 2009 and i have not spent much time thinking about resolutions at all. i think about it all the time at work. dealing with the directors' and shareholders' resolutions on a daily basis.

not that i've really kept to any resolutions that i've made, ever since i've made them the first time. like Han said, you don't need resolutions to quit smoking (for example). i do agree with that. it helps somehow to keep you to the list of things you want to achieve. most importantly, determination.

maybe, i have resolutions this year.
1. to take off my lenses every time i get back
2. to cleanse my face and get rid of the make-up every time before going to bed

pretty much that. anything else would just make me procrastinate. if i can keep to these religiously, then i may consider adding things on to the list.

so, i think i should move out of here.

the past 2 weeks have been hell for my right eye. it kept twitching which was so uncomfortable. i went for my facial treatment and decided to ask my beautician. she said that right eye means it's something bad will happen. either to yourself or someone close to you.

i told Awin about it and then she told me, her mom once told her that orang jauh nak datang. me being me, initially thought that it was referred to those from the dead. haha. yea, i was that stupid. so, she further explained that it does not only refer to someone who lives far away from you. it could also be someone from the past, like any of my ex(s). let's see. the only one that i don't want to see is him. i'm on okay terms with the rest of them at least.

and then i told Nik, he simply said that i lacked of sleep. simple eh? yea. maybe i do lack of sleep. my body clock's messed up.

after 2 long weeks, it finally went away. quite soon enough, it came back. i thought about it, did something bad happened to anyone (other than break-ups around me)? no. did i met any one who live far away from me or even him? no. did i lack of sleep? yes.

for now, i'd leave it to that. let me know what's your rationale behind twitching eyes.

ruffled feathers.

when you can no longer gain simple satisfaction from where you are at, nothing will seem to go right. NOTHING.

the government should put up signs along the river that says "Feeding pigeons are PROHIBITED." and those kind and generous souls who are more than willing to share their lunch with the breed should be imposed with legal sanctions.

they are the unwanted. yes, they eat scraps of food left behind by fellow humans. in a way, they help to clean the place up. we should not forget that they are still, pests. they carry fleas, ticks, or mites. though it is still not proven that their feaces contain diseases, they are still the breed of unnecessity.

burned out.

i'm having a mid-work crisis. i am to do the work of 3 people and to only bring home the salary of 1. because of this, i have not been looking forward to work. apart from the weather that is always able to convince me to snuggle deeper into slumber, every morning.

as of right now, i am at home. i told them that i will be on 2 days MC. i just don't understand. are they trying to push me to the edge? or is this the result of not having a boss - people make use of you, thinking that you do not have much work to do. like fuck i do.

other than that, i have school to worry about. exams will be in May next year. not that it's still far away. i'm left with approximately 158 days. minus (all based on approximation) 1264 hours of sleep, 848 hours of work, 140 hours of nonsense like this and 564 hours of loving time.

all maths done, i'm left with 976 hours to study. which is equivalent to 40 days. in other words, i'm screwed!