i hate myself wen i'm grumpy.. haiz.. raya has been alright so far.. i'm not in the mood fer any festivities.. highlight of tis year wld be my lil cuzzie, Akila.. speakin and talkin to everyone.. she used to be very quiet.. my aunties and grandparents came over in the evening before i went out.. she was soo cute.. so afraid of the cats too.. she cried wen MeowMeow was walkin towards her direction.. hahaha.. cutest thing she asked me was, "whose is tt?", wen i was packin my stuff into my Adidas bag.. she was all nicely dolled up in pink too.. damn cute..

met my darling at PS.. we watched The OH Is In Ohio.. erm.. very scandalous.. thank god i'm not one of those unfortunate 30 million women in USA.. save me frm goin thru a whole lot of trouble juz to be happy and unwanted addiction.. uuuhh..

and time spent with my darling is heavenly..
i dun want to find another,
and i will look no further.
in u i find, all of that i want
what others lacked in my hunts.
no words can describe my love,
for u're the one i dream of.

i love you, my cookie monster..

juz some pics i managed to squeeze frm Sharizal.. after sooo long..


wen he knew i was attached to Adrian.. the next thing he knew, we broke up.. haha..


he didn't notice me at the steps but someone else.. i wonder who..


wen he knew tt i was with Nik.. and right now, we're still so attached.. *smiles* =)

our cutest pic ever..

i like tis pic the best.. look at Nik's face.. so boyish one.. *love*

to those who still dunno, yes.. i cut my hair! real short! sexy right?! purrr..


i hate it wen i close my eyes in pics.. eeeks!


Mr & Mrs Tan.. after the emotional u noe wat..


we all look different huh..


not the best pic of her.. uh well..


check out his face!


it all runs in the blood..


Chinese Princess promotin the flowers.. more like her hair!


some Bollywood Prince we adopted fer Raya..


so drama one!


goin crazee wif the camera already...


tis is retardism by dila..


awaitin fer my Prince's call.. so emoooo..

sorry i can't always find the words,
can't say wat my heart needs to say.
surely i want to be heard,
and for that u'd have to pay.

the costly silence,
the sullen me.

i don't wanna be told,
"you're just like them".
that thot makes me cold
and if it's true, i'd be damned.

u wish i will,
i wish i can.

random, unhealthy thots.

good night.

-missin my prince loads-

right now.. i'm so tempted to get ALL of Bodyshop's new makeup collection!! like seriously.. oh man.. i'm in love with all the new colours.. all the new lip gloss.. all the eyeshadows... sweet!!

but, like my darling said.. impulse is not a good thing.. get wat u need.. and at tis moment, i dun really need all of the new stuff.. coz i still haf like tons of makeup tt i rarely use.. daym! okie, i promise.. i'll get only a lip colour, cheeks colour, mascara and 1 eyeshadow.. and i might add juz 1 more thing.. brush.. hahaha.. i can't help it.. i'm an avid Bodyshop user! Azhani..... if u were here, we cld get stuff and den we can share! hahaha.. bummer!

uh well.. i can't wait till Sunday.. i actually am organisin a break fast session fer G15 crew.. and i'm pretty excited abt sth else too! hahaha.. no wonder i dun seem to be able to sleep at night.. all hyped up! weee!

and everytime i close my eyes, i thank the Lord i got you and you got me too....
i love you, baby.

how sweet can my boyfriend be..

he suprised me on Sunday by wantin to fetch me frm werk coz i was sick.. yea.. real bad.. i had fever since Friday.. it doesn't help with the haze and all.. so yea.. tho he was late at pickin me up coz my boyfriend thot tt his girlfriend ended werk at 12..

i still got to meet him at my place.. best, my sickness juz disappears wen i see him.. he's my drug.. haha.. very concerned fer me, he passed me sth more effective den panadol extra and even anitbiotics.. we were prescribed the same ones wen we were sick the previous time.. =)

better still, he sprayed more of his wonderful scent onto his jacket tt i am now huggin to bed every night.. i'm addicted to my boyfriend! wow weee!

with me on his mind and while doin all these fer me, he himself was sick.. tell me la, how can i not love my boyfriend more! he's the bestest boyfriend and he's mine! *evil laughter* and we're still crazee fer each other! so much!

xXxoOoXOxoXXOOxxooXxOo

women:-
Pre-Menstrual Syndromes; it starts one to two weeks before ur period. symptoms usually go away wen period starts (not necessarily true). symptoms include breast tenderness, bloating, headache and minor mood changes (may be severe, examples: irritability, tension and depression).

PostNatal Depression; sense of loss or disappointment after givin birth usually wen experience of givin birth falls short of parents' expectations.

Menopause; process of growin old. symptoms such as anxiety or depression, hot flashes, irregular bleeding, memory problems, mood swings, sexual problems, sleeping difficulties. it happens wen ur menstrual cycle ends. gain pounds. joint problems. bone problems. many other examples.

men:-
Andropause; in short, low testosterone (meanin tt u lose ability to haf an erection).

seriously, women suffer from hormonal changes throughout her life.. and all these wld lead to mood changes and emotional distress.. frm the time she becomes a woman, starts developin.. to motherhood, havin a family.. and den to bein an old woman.. why?! why are the hormones in women have such instability tt changes always occurs at every point of her life..

search fer andropause, and all u'll get is the inability to get an erection.. ttz it?! yeah sure.. he'll face slight distress due to his new found inability.. maybe i'm belittling the issue but ttz all?! yup.. pretty much.. hell, tis sucks bad man.. i mean, look at wat the women haf to go thru.. at times, i wonder why are women created to be so emotionally and physically weak.. and yet, we need to be strong enuf to face all these..

and as a woman, i do not call fer equal rights.. i very much want more rights.. hell yea, i do..

am i over reliant?
are u?
it's a bad thing isn't it?
really?!

hell, at wat point will it become over reliance? i dunno.. so, okay.. u noe u can do things on ur own.. coz wen u do it tt way, anythin goes wrong.. u'd only haf urself to blame.. den again, derz always a limit to wat one can do.. sure, dun limit the wonderful possibilities u can do.. but we gotta admit, tt we aren't superbeings to begin with.. den again, we aren't tt weak.. so, now wat?

i suggest tt i turn off my laptop now and go to bed.. watever dila.

some of the nice pics frm Sentosa.. no editin! itz all raw!
check out the rest at Chaotickittie's album! weee!






i dun need to point out to u wat u shld be lookin fer, shld i?


pretty easy start fer me at least.. pheew!


and den Hafiz's face was behind my ass!


and den it got to tis part! yikes!


at least i didn't go thru tis!


Twister like u've nvr seen before! super, duper wild!


i wouldn't be smilin if i were in his position!


after dippin!


i wonder who's ass is tis?!


he who lost 14kg after bmt.. kudos!

quick update..

we're still not talkin.. i went shoppin with my darling.. before tt, we break fast at his place.. heh.. meet the parents.. i was still very nervous.. but yea, Nik's parents have always been nice fer the past few times i've met em.. =) anyway, i bought a very bohemian influenced brown dress, a sweet black high heel slip ons and a black skirt.. all these chosen by my very own sweetheart.. haha.. uh well.. i'm more den happy as always..

i've learnt to appreciate the time we're spendin together.. my hectic werk schedule.. and my Prince's busy at werk as well as outside werk.. i wanna be der fer him and i noe he'll make it.. definitely.. behind every sucessful man, derz a woman.. and i wanna be tt woman.. hahaha.. steady ah.. yeap, it feels great each time we meet.. juz like we've only started dating.. *love*

i love u baby..

and lately, i've been meddlin with some software.. haha.. and the result of it:


more to come! weee!

would you still love me in the morning?

When I see your smile
Tears run down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay, stay

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

- Your Guardian Angel, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

i juz met up with Hafiz and Mat.. usual place.. didn't tink i wanted to meet em.. tired frm werk.. and i was super duper late fer werk tis mornin.. wat else is new.. but i figured tt itz been a while.. so compasspoint it was..

our fren's dad juz got admitted to the hospital coz of stroke.. it kinda made me thot abt my parents.. i tink my dad is goin on strike.. against me of coz.. not tt i deserved it in any way.. unintentionally, i'm against him too.. uh well.. i'll juz go with the flow huh..

wld u look fer someone frm the past coz coz ur future's shady now.. wld u seek comfort frm someone whom u've exchanged words of hatred with.. why?

i love you baby..

why do i love you?

because....

i love you.

thank u fer makin my day the worst i've ever had.. every one who contributed to it.. many, many thanks..

simply put, i've been cranky the whole day.. bad start at werk.. followed by many events of bad, bad stuff..

i hate it so much wenever i go back to werk after my off days or leave, juz to find things in a mess.. it irritates me to the core.. do i need to do everythin myself? each time before i go fer my off days or leave, i make sure tt i did my part.. and each time without fail, i had to clean up the shit other inconsiderate ppl leaves behind.. fuck like hell.. yes, i'm pissed.. i was so angry i broke down at werk.. my walls never gave way to anythin tt happened at werk no matter how bad things are.. but today, i juz had to let it out.. i'm done with tt place.. i'll leave once i can.. and den i'll see how they'll survive..

i received a call frm my dad.. and he was scoldin me fer makin him go to Sim Lim.. it was a wasted trip.. why?! coz the fuckin printer was not in yet wen i was told tt it wld be.. and he started raising his voice and said tt i wasted his time.. like fuck i knew tt the stock will not be in yet.. great! add more to it..

der'll be a meetin with the Asst Area Chef tomz coz of our ordering.. Danny and me.. how the fuck do u want me to explain why do i need to buy call bells? pepper and salt shakers? breakage idiot! wear and tear! fuckin irritatin!

and my bro got admitted into the hospital.. the doc dun even noe watz wrong with his leg.. hope itz nth serious..

and den to top things off.. my dad juz had to bring tt matter up.. argh! i'm so pissed.. i'm full of anger i can't even say it out.. wat a great day i had!

fuck!

okie, i'm tired.. seriously.. dunno why i'm so tired.. even my baby was yawnin most of the time..

first, my baby came over to install some stuff into my toy.. now tt i haf a new toy.. i'm gonna throw MeowMeow and Comot away.. any takers?! nah, juz kiddin! haha..

and den the bank a/c thingy.. the lady asked if i could speak chinese coz she saw my surname.. a bit here and der la hor..

went to town.. we bought tix to Miami Vice.. the only good thing abt it is the Ferrari.. other den tt, i think they dragged the show abit tooo long.. we walked the whole of PS before buka.. man, i think we need to go other place la.. PS's map's formin at the back of my head.. haha.. ate at Thai Express.. wonderin whether we shld become members.. den again, it was only our third time der wat.. haha..

a walk to Heeren and we took neoprint! hahaha.. tell u, very tiring la.. here shoot, der shoot.. headache.. we even edited it.. gonna wait till my printer comes in, scan and upload it! cool eh..

and to all drivers, please.. i'm askin u nicely.. please do not drive wen u are tired or sleepy.. u may cause danger to urself and others.. yup, i was almost hit by tis doode.. drivin back aft sendin my baby home.. and he juz swerved into my lane.. heavens! i braked in time and lucky no cars behind me.. and itz not helpin coz i had 2 dreams of bein in an accident lately.. *touch wood*

to others, please be careful.. be more alert on the road.. drivers these days are terrible.. *shakes head* aitez, gotta go to bed coz i'm werkin in the mornin tomz.. but before tt, gotz to hear my baby's bedtime story.. awww~

as unreal as it may seem to me,
it's not a dream that i will be awaken from.
neither is it a make-believe
from those novels u call trashy.

it took me awhile to understand,
i didn't think i could.
now i know, you're here to stay.
and i'll be there by your side to hold your hands.

i love you baby.
happy 7th month anniversary.

good mornin people!!

wen was the last time i woke up soooo early.. i actually slept at abt 3++ and woke up 9:30.. now ttz a miracle.. sheesh! and i'm online tis mornin as well.. how?? i wonder too.. heh.

coz i juz fixed my modem to my brand new laptop!! weee! so excited one!!

i met my darling yesterday.. we were checkin out the laptops at harvey norman at PS.. but decided to head down to Sim Lim before takin a quick train ride to Clementi.. we kinda saw sth tt was nice.. 1st shop we went to was too packed.. but i sooo glad we went back to the first shop, MC2.. coz i realised tt the other shops were tryin to cheat my money.. no names mentioned.. haha.. uh well..

and den Nik went straightfoward with the guy..

"how much can u give us for tis model?" pointin to the leaflet..

the guy searched fer a calculator.. came back with a figure.. 1599.. not bad.. original was 1699..

"wat else is included in the package?" my darling enquired..

we can give you --> a mouse, a 512MB thumbdrive and a 4-in-1 printer!!!!

like seriously! wooo.. wat kind of a crazy deal was tt? and us bein crazy enuf, grabbed it of coz.. till now, i can't believe tt i own a laptop!! wee!! and itz the first most expensive thing i bought fer myself!! yikes! i guess itz sth to pamper the princess with.. i'm more den happy!! i also bought a sweater to match my bdae prezzie frm Izad.. pheeweet!

right now, i'm juz waitin fer my baby to call me wen he wakes up.. got lotz of things to do today..

- upload more software to my new toy
- open bank a/c
- watch movie
- i want to take neoprint coz itz a special day
- get a new pair of chucks, maybe not
- get my black shoes or maybe sth fer raya

lalala lala lala la lalala la..

i watched as the moonlight shines upon your face,
it brought me back to that very place.
it was so beautiful and always in peace,
showered with all of love's bliss.

and as i lay by your side,
against all the tears that i could fight.
thinking of all the memories my small heart could keep,
i lulled myself slowly to sleep.