my baby is the bestest on earth!!

he bought me the dress i wanted frm Daniel Yam! hahaha.. yup, i tried it on.. and he was like, let's get it.. hehe.. i luuurve him sooO much! haha.. thanks baby!

and to top it off, we rushed back to PS to catch Nacho Libre, using the 2 free tix i got frm werk.. coz it was my bdae! woo hoo! and den after it was over, we had Long John SIlver.. and den we headed up again to get 2 more tix to watch Pirates of the Carribean.. uuuh yeah.. Orlando Bloom and Johnn Depp and Keira Knightly.. and it hurts to seee Orlando Bloom cringe when he saw Keira kissed Johnny Depp.. ouch!

and no, i wun do such a thing in front of u coz it WILL never happen! muacks!

and den more shopping! before Pirates of the Carribean.. hehe.. we went to Bodyshop and i was upset coz they didn't haf much of the things i needed to get as they were gonna change their make-up range in Sept.. boo hoo! and den we went to Watsons.. they ran out of stocks of Cotton Buds! can u believe it?! hahaha.. wat the hell huh.. uh well.. i still got replacement fer the things i didn't get at Bodyshop..

and i was more than happy! haha! so yeap... i had LOADS of fun shooping and juz spending time with my baby.. hey, imagine if u dun get to see ur hunnie bun fer like more den 1 week.. itz sad u noe! so yup, we made up fer the lost time and i'm still MIsSin him now! kisSes! haha..

so i am 21 years and 1 day old.. haha..

countdown to my bdae with the J8 peeps.. yup, we had supper and all.. headed down to The One, Mandarin Hotel.. sang the night away.. and cried the night away too! haha.. it was like dominos.. Amaida followed by me den Jean and lastly, Jizzete.. so drama one! haha.. and thanx to tt, i woke up with a pair of horrible puffied eyes! eew! my party was like 1 and a half hours away!! shite!

party at McDonalds was yippee! uh huh.. if u are luffin ur arse off abt me doin it der, do ask my frenz who attended my party if they had a blast.. coz i noe i did and it was my first.. dun worry, it'll be a last fer me yea.. wun be sendin Ronald McDonalds' invitation card to u guys wen i'm turnin 50, wld i? haha.. so i dressed up complete with my tiara and my wand.. wearin my snow white dress.. everyone was amused.. too bad, Ronald and gang weren't around.. otherwise, i'd take pictures.. but honestly, i'm scared of them.. haha.. they looked scary! even as a child, i'd nvr approach Ronald, Birdie, Hamburglar or worst Grimace.. i'd juz disappear behind my parents.. silly, silly..

so after everyone left, i opened my prezZies.. i loved every one of em! pink Adidas bag frm Izad, the killer-heels from the ladies, the earrings and necklaces frm Eid, Sof and Alif, the over-sized undies i got frm Dollah and Law (i'm not TT big in the arse area u noe), the Vanilla candle frm Hafiz and Forever Friends' jewellery box frm Fiza.. thanx everyone! really.. fer comin to my party and takin some time off juz to be present.. i still gotz to meet up with the few ppl who can't make it to the party.. mmm.. gotta start bookin already eh.. need to do up my schedule.. haha.. i'm still on leave till Tuesday, but i'm booked by my darling to go shopping! tomz.. so yeap..

headed home and rested fer awhile and den went to Sakura at Rivervale with my familee! it was filling.. and i hate it after i eat and had a bulging tummy.. *shakes head* and it was hilarious wen me, Faiz and Fadli were playin tis stupid game.. the one with the red, green and blue buttons where u have to hit it quickly in order to win the various levels of games.. funny, funny..

went out to meet Nik at O Bar.. and we went in to get a table.. Amaida, Weng and Don came like an hour later.. we drank and were juz talkin abt the stupid things tt happened at the KTV.. Izad and Hanif came awhile later.. everyone's like not dancin and i was gettin bored.. and den we spotted Fiza (frm Law) at the next table.. i like didn't see her and Izad was the one who spotted her.. my cuz, Hida finally arrived with Nana, her lil sister at werk.. and the guy, i can't remember wat his name was.. haha.. danced with em abit.. they asked if i wanted to go to Devils.. and i decided tt i juz wana party at O Bar coz frm previous visits, i found Devils boring.. yup, yup.. so the rest of the night was juz me, Nik, Izad and Hanif dancin and dancin and dancin.. and boy, did Izad improved alot in booty shakin since the last i saw him doin it! haha..

and wen i got home, it was juz sweet talkin on the phone with my darlin.. till, i slept on him.. heh.. i had loads of fun! really, really loads of fun! thanx everyone once again fer makin my day a great one!! love u all loads! muacks!

yesterday, it was the start to my 1 week leave for my bdae.. it was a crazy day coz me and Az, we went shoppin at Spotlight.. we started lookin fer materials and all.. we took crazy pics with stupid stuff around and on us.. can't wait to get the pics.. haha..

and we were supposed to have sushi dinner with Roz.. but since she was a very busy person at werk, we had Thai Express without her instead.. the asst mgr at the outlet we went to was super and over-ly friendly.. well, maybe itz part of his service or he was juz be too nice.. haha.. and the funny thing was tt he took the same train as us and even alighted at Tampines with us.. wat a coincidence right.. haha.. and den we had cheesecake at NYDC.. Fonzy and Wan were werkin.. and we were juz up to our normal bitchy personalities.. creatin havoc.. juz me and Az.. uh huh..

so yea.. the night was crazy as we started experimenting.. and i roughly got a confirmed guest list.. and ppl, dress crazy or silly yea.. u all noe wat i mean.. *winks* dun forget my prezZies.. heh. i am sooO excited! haha.. we talked throughout the nite.. juz rememberin the times.. the good times of coz.. screaming infidelities by dashboard confessionals.. the late nites.. the internship nites.. juz luffin things off.. it was our own world den.. juz us!

so today i came down to my outlet to have my appraisal done.. and it dun look too good.. haiz.. i will only noe the results during my Aug pay.. so yeap.. and Jacky was here.. we had sushi fer dinner! yum, yum! haha.. and i tried sake.. not my favourite.. it was his treat fer my bdae.. and did i mention tt wen i went to werk on Wed, i was suprised with a bouquet of flowers and a bear.. it was delivered to my werkplace.. and it kinda created huuu haaa.. they can't stop disturbing me.. mean! haha.. and up till now, i still can't figure out who it is.. haiz.. can the person who send it to me, please stand up?

and i also received a black DKNY watch from J8 peepz.. it was beautiful and it wld so match the dress from Daniel Yan.. hehe.. and i'll be gettin tt dress soon.. all i need now is a nice pair of black heels to go along with it.. puuurfect!

and now, i can't wait fer Saturday to come.. party in the day, dinner with family and more party with my colleagues and my frenz and my cuzzie! woo hoo! itz my big 21!! and apart frm tt, i still gotz to think abt goin to Sydney with Roz in Aug.. mmm, shld i? anyone up to buy me a ticket to Sydney fer my prezZie? *winks*

I MisS mY bAbY soO muCh!

i'd kill to get into the Jungle Island juz to get a hug from my hunnie bun.. aaarrrgghh! i can't wait till Friday wen he books out.. i'm gonna hug him like i've nvr hug ever before.. haha..

so near, yet so far....

and it's irritating me coz i've tis song tt i noe.. and i juz can't remember the title nor who sings it.. and all i can do is.. hum and sing tt one line.. eeeks! even Jizzete noes tt song but she can't remember the title.. haha.. i tink maybe Yanie or Vit might noe.. uuuh well..

"how can i not love you..."

so yea.. i have quite a number of things to say.. for the FIRST time, i went to BAYBEATS tis year! haha.. it was crazy! remind me not to stand near the exit coz ttz where the security and the ppl gettin thrown out will walk by.. and i'm caught in the middle.. *shakes head* and i'm gainin back the mild pounds i lost over the past 2 weeks juz coz of the often late nights out at Simpang.. aiyo.. and sometimes, parents can be even more fickle minded den i am.. *wtf?! look* and i've decided to throw a bbq sometime 1st week of Aug to appease everyone else..

news' out! she's gonna go out.. to TMP.. tampines, tt is.. haiz.. i dunno whether i'm happy or sad.. maybe lost for words.. we've been expectin the news tho.. and i believe tt her last day will be on 22nd.. so we'll have the celebration on 21st.. for the incentive and all.. KTV!! haha..

oh well, for now.. juz a b'dae shout out to all the JULY babies!!

2nd - Chen Guorong! my ever favourite Mr. Shortie! haha.. who tinks he's cool enuff to attract chio bu(s).. haha.. but he's sweet alright! and i love him for bein shorter den me! 21 before me! hmph!

9th - Danny Tan! him, the one i called a monster.. haha..

11th - Syai! my ever stoney partner in HW.. turnin 21 tis year too!

14th - Hermen! tis dude frm Secret Recipe.. 2 doors away frm Pastamania.. he feels tt he's old even tho he's only turnin 20.. wtf?!

20th - Weng Hoi Fei! the one guy who wants to settle down, unable to find the right one.. girls keep makin use of him.. haha.. *winks*

21st - Wah! ttz his name alright! haha.. he's a cook here.. and ya.. ttz as much as i noe abt him.. he cooks! oh ya.. turnin 21 tis year!

last but not least;
22nd - Tan Nur Fadhilah! now, ttz a first tt i actually had my full name shown online.. haha.. she's turnin 21.. and she's gonna haf a blast fer her b'dae.. be it in the day or at night.. coz itz her party and she plays if she wants to! haha.. and she's gonna make sure tt the ppl who are to come and partty with her tt night, WILL come and party with her!

party on ppl!

everything is fed up straight from the heart
tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
gotta pick myself up where do i start

-When It All Falls Apart, The Veronicas

i'd like to jump straight into the construction site right behind my workplace.

prolly the only way i can solve things right now.

and so...
...i was the silliest person ever alive on this earth..

and so...
...i was suprised on Sunday at werk.. it freakin took me at least 5 seconds to realise tt it was real.. not some hallucination i'm havin due to the incorrigible late night i had the night before.. and den i let out a scream.. it was such a shock i began tearing.. and no, i'm not gonna do it at werk.. and so, had dinner.. juz the 3 of us.. like it was before.. juz catchin up with each other.. and updatin each other.. talkin abt the past.. talkin abt the present (more like gossiping!).. and even tryin to predict the future.. it was great.. juz great.. the laughters we had..

and so...
...Nik met my parents for the FIRST time on Monday! haha.. oh well, it wasn't anythin much but juz like "hi" and "bye" kinda thing.. otherwise, it would not have occurred.. coz my mummy bein my mummy, refused to let me out of the house just at time of dusk.. and she was appalled tt Nik was actually waitin fer me downstairs.. so she insisted tt he come up.. or i just have to stay home.. haiz.. so yea ttz abt it.. we had chicken wings and satay at East Coast.. been looong since we went to the beach.. oh yea.. and it was a starry night.. beautiful.. after sendin Nik back to Changi, i was tryin to get my mind to think straight and i couldn't.. things tt were playin on my mind.. it was affectin me real bad.. so yea.. and Hafiz msged me.. tt was the time i knocked myself back to reality and realised tt i was goin onto 140km/hr on TPE.. um yup.. i was unaware tt i was accelerating all the way.. and so, tt night.. it also happened tt Sengkang was rainin heavily.. and Hafiz, bein nice, shared his brolly with me.. sweet.. and the grey skies have turned pretty blue now..

and so...
...we had dinner to celebrate Fadli's bdae which was supposedly be on Wednesday.. but my daddy had to werk.. Pizza Hut it was.. and i didn't really eat coz i'm not a fan of thick crust pizza and all.. so yea.. and did i mention tt Fadli got a mountain bike fer his prezzie.. we went to buy it at this shop at Hougang.. and wen we wanted to go off.. the bike can't fit in the car boot! haha.. so my poor daddy had to ride it all the way home.. and it was cute lerr.. if i had not come along, my daddy would have drive and my mummy would have to ride it home.. and to those who have seen my mummy, you would find it totally impposible for her to ride a kid's mountain bike home.. which she claims tt she is able to do it better than my daddy.. like right mummy! haha..

...a friend wasn't really herself wen i called her before the match started.. i wonder why.. and i hope it's not wat people think it is.. coz no matter wat, u noe u can call me anytime.. for coffee, or dinner..

...Germany lost! 2 goals in 2 minutes! outrageous! it was a close game, causing me to be at the end of my chair most of the time..

and so...
...my boyfriend is sick.. he's at home with 2 days' MC.. i want to take MC also la.. haha.. and yea.. i got ready to do some grocery shopping.. and wen i got home, i bought enuff stuff to cook fer 5 people! haha.. oh well, i was thinkin of porridge but i was not sure if he would like my style of cooking porridge and all.. so, i decided to cook his favourite, Creamy Chicken.. haha.. and it was cooked by me, not bought from Pastamania.. not at all.. haha.. and "an apple a day keeps the doctor away".. i bought 3.. tt shld last fer some time coz he wun eat it unless it's peeled and cut fer him.. my baby.. haha.. and we watched TV, spent time on the couch together.. really, the fan and the couch is a very disastrous combination coz we were like falling asleep.. haha.. and den i met his mom.. and again, i was on my bestest behaviour.. which is to be quiet.. heh. and so, i tucked him into bed.. and now i'm waitin fer the match to start.. and prolly fall asleep like halfway thru the match or something.. but i'm feeling France tonight.. oh well.. juz gotz to wait and see...

sometimes, people make mistakes..

but not always do people repeat the same mistakes again and again..

and wen it hurts people close to em, it makes the situation more worse than it already is..

it hurts to be you, it hurts more to be me..

it's always easier to hate than to love..

and before i can love another, i need to learn to love myself..

previously, a close fren shared it with me and i've always known abt it.. but me bein me, i'll always find reasons to hate myself.. coz why.. it's so much simpler.. to be forgiven is one thing.. to be forgiving is another.. and i can never forgive myself.. not easily.. i take it hard on myself.. and end up hating myself more.. why? coz it makes things even simpler than it already is.. how can u afford the same mistake twice.. and worse, throughout your life.. if there's nothin wrong with the other party.. there is definitely something wrong with me..

and somehow, i noe it's time for me to do something abt it.. coz i do not want to lose another the way i lose the other.. if i were to break it down simply, i have not forgiven myself for the past.. because of this, i am not able to love myself now.. and in many ways, it's affecting my life and the people in it.. and i do not want to do that anymore.. seriously..

by the way, i'm so over him.. just not the it yet..

and i'll do it for me.. and for you..