my Mummy turned 46 yesterday.. we had dinner at Swensen's Crown Prince.. i thot tt i could catch Winson in act after dinner but we missed it! eeks! i thot it was at 8.. it was actually at 7.. bluek.. before meetin my family at the restaurant, Nik and i were goin round decidin wat to get fer her.. haha.. it was tough.. we settled fer a nice, simple designed DKNY watch.. it was bronze.. i kinda felt tt it was too "young" fer my mom.. in any case, if she dun want to wear the one we bought her, she can always use my black faced DKNY and i use hers! haha..

itz not tt bad meetin my parents right.. i mean, how nasty can my parents be.. i'm Daddy's girl.. so he tends to be slightly more over-protective.. and Mummy can be so kaypoh and ask tons of qtns.. tsk, tsk.. uh well, i tink it all went good.. itz not as bad as someone thot it would be eh..

how silly can one be.. u noe, i tink if u dun noe abt anythin at all.. u better keep ur mouth shut and not get urself and worse, other ppl into trouble.. sad, sad..

so, i did not receive a msg on the night S'pore Idol finals was held.. i was juz reminded by the msg i received the night of the finals for the first Idol.. uh well.. itz been 2 years now eh.. mmm..

but i did receive a msg.. it said, "love is not about findin the right someone but about buildin the right relationship. itz not about how much love u haf in the beginning but how much love u've built at the end."

great.. fer u to msg me tt as quote of the day means tt u've understood the meaning of the msg.. itz time fer me to see how well are u able to put the quote u've nicely sent me into practice..

i'm still affected by the disappointment.. not tt i dun really want to call.. i'm bein too petty now.. and did i mention ego.. yesh, partly ego but mainly disappointment.. maybe i'll msg.. coz soon we wun be able to meet as easily as we could now.. how soon, i dunno..

i've been thinkin alot at night.. about many, many things.. and as a result of tt, i usually end up sleepin later den my bedtime and wakin up late enuf fer werk.. haha.. but i'm Princess in my outlet.. so i dun really care.. and i wun be here fer long.. i can't wait fer Wednesday coz we'll be celebratin my mom's bdae and at the same time i get to see Winson perform at Orchard Library! weee!

till then, love love love..

p.s.: the girlfriend still has her suprise fer her boyfriend! hee!

i'm pretty much bummed abt a couple of stuff.. haiz..

abt tis, itz my turn to haf my break.. like fuck i'm not askin fer too much am i? as much as i can be a bitch, i do haf compassion in me.. i'm tryin to see watz the best deal i can get and as much fairness i can give..

abt tat, i duno.. i feel like i've always been the last to noe.. the last to be asked.. it sucks to feel as tho u're of the least importance.. i'm juz livin on the pretext of bein happy at the way things are right now.. maybe, itz me.. maybe itz my irregular werkin hours/days, whichever.. letz carry on pretendin.. itz fun..

i'm in need of a break. period.

i am very much disappointed by what someone had to say to me..

"i wish u were the dila i knew 5 yrs ago. den maybe i cld once again share with u not juz wat i feel but wat i am really thinkin too...."

i am no different now and 5 yrs ago.. and itz been 6 yrs already.. i can't believe tt u allowed urself to say such a thing to me.. did u even hear urself sayin it? i've never once said to u tt i wished u were different.. no.. i accepted u, ur frenship.. wat u had to offer to me.. and yet, wen i did the same to u.. u show me appreciation by tellin me this?

many thanks fer hurtin me.. juz coz u had to hurt urself, u hurt me as well.. all i wanted to do was to show u tt u can learn to appreciate wat u are given, wat u haf.. i wanted to teach u to learn to want wat u need and not wat u want.. u can want all tt u want.. but is tt really wat u need?

u said u are beyond repair.. ttz not the case.. u refused u let urself be repaired.. u asked me to leave u alone.. i'll do tt.. coz i dun believe in pushin u.. i noe i was behind u all these years.. wen u needed me.. and if u think u've had enuf, i shall leave u to ur peace.. dun expect me to call..

friday night was spent with the No Direction & Paris in Making guys.. they were simply crazy.. finally saw how Bella Luna (the studio) looked like.. slightly smaller to wat i had in mind.. went to the Arts House with my darling.. Brand New Sunset frm Bangkok was waaay good.. i actually enjoyed their performance.. very catchy tunes they had.. the moshpit was nasty.. tsk, tsk..

supper at Simpang was filling.. accompanied with much luffters.. thanks to my twin, Dila and Zad.. they luffed at anythin and everythin.. and i found out tt i was a much more careful driver.. heh.. i was not as bad as i thot i was..

i realized tt ppl open up to me easily.. all i had to do was be der.. most of the times, i do not need to give my opinions.. i juz had to listen.. and i like to listen.. it also means tt ppl are comfortable with me.. and i like it tt way.. at the same time, i learn.. how to be a better person juz frm listenin to others' experiences.. i learn how to treat a person better, appreciate em.. =)

i wish u cld hug and cuddle me.. i not only want to see u in my dreams, but wen i wake up in the mornin.. in ur arms..

i love u.. *kisSes*

I've made a commitment
I'm willing to bleed for you
I needed fulfillment
I found what I need in you

- Right Here, Staind

*misSin u right now*

juz some random pics...


ain't she cute? =)


it was our dessert on our first date. *love,love,love*


i call 'em "the 3 stooges".


they refused to see eye to eye. ish, ish.


electrifying night we had.


while someone was enjoyin sheesa, i was takin pics of myself. lil photowhore.


my prince!

nobody's takin me seriously. tt means not respectin me. and it makes me feel like shit and wen tt happens, i'll treat u like crap.

i'm startin to think tt i over-reacted.. did i? maybe, maybe not..

it irks me.. naturally, i'd get turned off.. it happens much more easier and faster den to try to make me smile again.. to others, it may seemed tt i over-reacted.. to others, it may be a trivial matter.. but the fact is tt it irks me.. and the effect of sth irking me is silence and change of moods.. so, to me.. i did not really over-react.. coz if sth irrtates u, u wld go thru tt phase of temper transformation.. and since it was tt easy fer me to switch, it shows tt i'm short tempered..

like everyone noes, ttz bad.. since i've reasoned why i dun see myself over-reactin over sth tt irks me, itz time fer me to see things frm a another point of view..

why do i allow the long silence looming ard me? coz i take things to heart.. no matter how teeny weeny it is.. i forgive, but i dun forget.. and tt means i bear grudges.. i often do.. and i'm egoistic too.. it means i dun say sorry.. i'm temperamental.. so, it shows how quick the weather changes..

despite all these awful traits, i noe i'm a different person now.. coz if i wasn't, things wouldn't have been the way it is right now.. no doubt abt tt.. but, i think tt wat happened proves tt i still need to learn, to change.. fer the future, indefinitely..

first of all, Happy 21st Birthday to Yanie! sowwie, abit belated lah girl.. also, congratulations on the latest addition to the list of cards u now have in ur wallet! haha.. and wen u thot u can't u do it, u did it even better den i did.. i'm so proud of u girl! *winks*

Saturday was a whole day of fun.. it was Nik's idea to get the guys together and all.. a day at the beach.. yeap.. wen i asked them abt the idea.. Hafiz was so excited abt it.. tho the rest were 50-50.. and den wen the day was nearin.. most of the guys were actually able to make it.. except fer Dollah, Azman and Alif.. Sentosa it is!

i stayed up late the night before to prepare egg mayo sandwiches! my ma saw me and she was askin if i was gonna have some party or sth.. haha.. so Nik and i were late, but we were definitely not the latest.. i finally met the person.. someone who didn't get my initial approval.. but hell, itz not my life.. anyway, after talkin and gettin to noe her a lil better.. i guess, she's not tt bad after all.. and she is tall fer heaven's sake.. i tink prolly i was the shortest (more like petite!) yesterday if Najib had grown taller in any way.. haha..

we started off walkin along Palawan Beach, tryin to find a nice spot.. we were actually at the southernmost point of asia.. too bad i did not go up the tower to see the view.. haiyo.. we found a good spot and were juz smokin away wen the guys (namely Hafiz, Mat, Najib & Ismail) started to whisper to each other.. i knew sth was up and refused to be out of watever plans they are comin up with.. we sabotaged Adi since he will be leavin fer Brunei fer 8 mths.. had all the camou paint all over his face, arms and abs.. the guys grabbed hold of him and the make up artist (me!) did a nice job!

the guys played frisbee.. me and Shila (yup, ttz her name..) were the cheerleaders.. more like i was the only one makin soo much noise.. hee! we even played twister.. whole load of fun u noe! it was starin to get cloudy wen we went into the water and played more frisbee.. much failure at wrestling each other for the frisbee in the water.. we were all over the place.. the couples kinda got trashed.. i dun even remember how badly trashed we were.. haha..

wen all was done at the beach.. Eid and Azman joined us and we had dinner at Harbourfront hawker centre and i got to eat my beef soup noodle! haha.. nth special abt it but i still like it la.. we decided to watch a movie.. Nik and i picked up the car frm my place.. and we met the rest at Yishun.. boy, i sure do not want to go back der on a Sat nite.. i got the shock of my life.. haha.. uh well.. we watched LittleMan.. i wasn't enjoyin the show at all.. not coz it wasn't funny.. no.. none of tt sort..

i was pissed coz of tis inconsiderate girl who decided to shake her bloody legs so much tt it was vibratin my back rest.. i HATE tt.. it makes me uncomfortable, it irritates me and it gives me a headache.. i juz can't stand it.. itz the same wen someone sittin behind u in the bus, restin their legs against back rest and starts shakin their legs.. or abruptly bring down their legs.. it irritates me to the core! i was tryin to be nice by turnin around and lookin at her.. BUT she bein the idiot tt she was, cld not tell tt i was gesturin fer her to stop.. i did it twice! till i can't take it anymore, i turned around and told her off nicely.. haiz, how can i enjoy a show with the constant shaking behind me.. uh well..

at least, i learnt sth new abt my darlin every day! tt he's a part-time gangsta and he loves me! haha..

i love the way you never fail to make me laugh and smile.

i love the jokes you tell me.

i love the way your hugs feel.

i love those times you supported me.

i love the feeling each time you kissed my forehead.

i love the time you first said "it felt good to hold your hand".

i love the way you call me Sayang.

i love the times you suprised me at work.

i love waking up in the morning and hearing your voice.

Most of all, i love you.

to the Prince of my heart,

Happy 6th Month Anniversary. we are halfway thru sweetie. and i'm still very much in love with you. you're my sunshine after the rain. you're the best thing that has happened to me and i would give anything in the world just to be with you. thanks for loving me, caring for me, supporting me, being there for me each time i need you and just by being you. i look forward to more of the wonders you've brought into my life. i love you so.

love,
your one and only Princess
xXx

i wanna wish dear misS SP a belated b'dae.. i'm sorry i wasn't able to go fer ur b'dae lunch celebration.. i had some family thingy goin on in the afternoon.. anyway, i hope u had fun with the rest.. wish u another year full of fun and luffter.. all the best in ur future endeavours.. hope to see u soon! take care now!

in the afternoon, i was over at my grandaunt's place.. and the whole time, i was lookin after the latest addition to my long list of cuzZins.. he's soo cute and soo easy to please.. haha.. played with him till he fell asleep.. more luffters with Fadli, Irfan and Nabila.. these kids and be irritatingly fun at times! haha..

after tt, i met my darling Prince at Plaza Sing.. after a week of not meeting.. haiz.. and i wun be seein him again till the weekend.. coz we're goin Sentosa! weee! so, we watched The Devil Wears Prada.. it was a nice show.. itz not all abt pretty clothes nor office sluts.. one thing i noe fer sure is abt standin up fer urself.. havin faith and believin in ur principles..

it kinda happened to me once.. tt i was so into werk tt i neglected many other things in life.. i became self-centred, selfish.. it was never enuff fer me.. the more i get, the more i want.. it was a decision tt i made without realisin it at all.. and it juz led to one simple thing.. which i refused to accept then.. i wanted a chance to make things alright fer myself.. everything in my life.. but i wasn't given a chance to.. unlike the movie, she had her chance.. itz all abt the right balance is it not.. i haf always had the problem of not bein able to balance things out.. i concentrate on one thing too much.. and coz of tt, i was always disappointed in the end.. each time without fail, i fall real hard..

but now, i'm pretty much whole.. i have all tt i need.. a supportive family, an understanding, caring and loving boyfriend.. friends i noe who will look out fer me.. i am left with wat i want in life.. itz abt time..