everytime i wanna update my blog, i wun be at home.. and by the time i get home, i get so tired i would haf forgotten wat i wanna update abt.. der were many things that i had in mind.. things that mattered.. i guess itz alrite now..

so i celebrated my birthday on 22nd.. i got my birthday present much earlier den the actual day.. ttz coz someone juz can't resist givin it to me.. itz okie with me coz i pretty much knew wat the present was.. it was Nokia 6230i.. yea.. uh huh.. i am in love with my new phone now.. itz only a matter of time before i change phones again.. =P heh.

on the eve of my birthday.. i met Fn, Ling and Az fer Fantastic 4.. Adrian followed coz we were goin somewhere else after tt.. so yea.. Fantastic 4... nothin too fantastic... had late dinner after the show at BK.. everythin was great... catchin up with our first Army boy.. or maybe man now eh.. so yea... left at abt 11.. said goodbyes and i wondered wen i would see Fn again...

headed home and met Hafiz fer awhile.. he gave me his present.. it was nothin much but yea.. it was thoughtful.. i appreciate it.. so yea.. chatted fer awhile.. drove him home.. me and Adrian we went to the place he wasn't gonna tell me where.. i kinda figured it out 3/4 of the way already... Hill Bistro.. yea.. he brought me back to the place where i brought him fer his birthday... it was much nicer at nite of coz.. i had a couple of drinks.. and off we went..

so in the mornin, we followed my dad to the market.. by the time we reached home, dinner was ready and it tasted great of coz... didn't eat much coz i couldn't.. somehow i can't....

the day after my birthday, kinda went out with Fiza, Yaya and Syikin... in a way to celebrate my birthday... in others, to catch up.. itz been ages since the last time the four of us went out together.. "DFSY" ttz wat we called ourselves.. durin sec sch days.. yea.. somehow, somewhere.. all of us fell out with each other.. except fer me and Fiza.. things were rocky then.. ask me now.. i'd tell u it was very childish.. ask the rest, i bet they'll agree... we caught The Island... not really a recommendable show frm me... save ur money unless u really got nowhere else to spend it and u kinda got tonnes of it..

the day was great in overall.. i got the white skirt i've always been eyein frm Topshop.. it was a bargain... i was glad i waited... kinda bought perfumes on impulse.. if u noe me.. i am easily persuaded... much regretted after tt... found out more things frm Fiza.. wat i missed out..

i realised things has changes a great deal... our relationships with each other... they are beyond repair.. not tt we do not want to be frenz with each other anymore.. but it would always come.. tt awkward moment with each other.. how those years apart could bring so much... so much damage... we were the four pillars of a frenship.. we leaned on each other.. we hoped fer each other.. we cried together.. we shared everything.. we were always the first to noe.. but now... we are all different.. shaped by the many experiences we went thru.. hardened by life's injustice...

we need to start somewhere.. we will make things better i noe.. it will.. we all hope... never fret... i will be der fer all of u ladies... i pray fer the better... anyway... itz Peiling's birthday today.... saw her at werk.. itz the first time i ever see a person voluntarily werkin on her birthday.. hahaha.. anyway... i wish u all the best in all tt u do... Happy Sweet 19th Birthday... may all ur wishes come true and stay cheerful always.. the way u are... smile always... be crazy! *kisses*

Friday, 15th July 2005

it's our Graduation Ceremony. Diploma in Law and Management.

the day when all of us were looking forward to when we were a Freshman.

the day we keep wanting to push back when we are finally a Senior.

it's the time where most of the guys would already be in National Service.

also the moment where everyone starts to tell each other of their future plans.

no one seemed awkward with each other.

it was though we had been schooling the past 4 months.

the whole ceremony was one to remember. when u walked across the stage.

when u took your certificate.

i'm glad that my parents came to the ceremony and saw me.

though my results may not be as good, i know i still worked hard to earn my Diploma.

not as hard as getting a Merit though. haha.

i'm happy to have G15 with me as all of us graduate officially.

and slowly we leave behind the place that held the many memories that we all had together, as well as individually.

be it of happiness or sadness. glory or failure.

we've been there and got through it all.

i enjoyed the picture takin with all of them. everyone. they all looked good.

oh well. i still think no one can beat G15 cause we are still the best photo whores around.

i love you guys!

Wednesday, 13th July 2005.. we had a bbq farewell fer Ivan, Amir and Gilbert.. Ivan to serve the nation on my bdae.. and Gilbert goin back to Taiwan prolly to set up a company.. and Amir to werk upstairs at Delifrance.. yea.. on top of that, it was oso a July babies' celebration.. and the June's as well.. so yea.. me, Guorong, Kaijian, Peiling and Wei..

fire was set up by 6.. juz in time wen Colin and his men came.. started to heat up the food... and barbequein the non-cooked food... the steak was delicious.. the satay was sweet.. the curry chicken was done by Gilbert.. the chicken wings were superb!

everyone was full.. the kitchen side as per norm, would juz sit at one corner and talk while drinkin... whereas the service side after takin loads and loads of pics, we decided to start... we started playin 0-0-7 and a slight different version of coke... coke was the one that got Peiling.. Az and Vit, u guys haf seen how talkative she is... and yea... wen she received her 7th cup of Vodka Sprite.. she was wasted.. haha.. and mind u.. i was the barmaid.. hehe... i actually made her drinks more dilute den the rest.. Guorong and Gina received double shots from me at one go.. Matt too received some special treats from me.. okie so wen she was like tt... the rest of us went to the toilet.. Gina crazily bangin on the door coz she was urgent.. and got back to playin the games.. but it was worse coz Matt was down too.. suprisingly tis time round.. Guorong was not doin any stunts.. but trust me.. he's one hard man to please wen he's high..

oh by tis time, someone came.. remember Kok Way.. yea.. he was the Chef tt i was rumoured with last year... he came.. i was not expectin him to come... coz previously, he didn't.. so he started askin me qtns.. small talks... but Guorong.. he's the only one to spoil the whole thing.. coz he keeps goin... eh! Dila... Kok Way... Dila! he's here... eh! Kok Way..

yea... he did that in a state of mind that he was not controllin well.. so yea... Gina oso another one.. keep askin me to go take pic... haiz... okie okie.. i did grant their requests.. hahaha...

Matt and Peiling went to sleep at in the car... while the rest of us started eatin again and chattin.. waitin fer Meiling to finish eatin so that we can start with her... sadly enuff, she doesn't want to play... hmm.. so yea.. by the time Matt and Peiling were back... thay decided to sabo Ivan... i told em i was not gonna get involved yea... so i was dry until i was ready to attack Jack coz he escapes too much.. and the ketchup was in my hand and he came near.. and the person i got was Peiling.. haha.. it went directly into her ear... and den i found Matt... and den i ran and took cover.. but Matt found me and guess wat... he struck me with Char Siew Sauce and honey... on my hair!!! hahaha... i was screamin like one mad woman... it was sticky... gooey.. and smells worse den u can even imagine..

we all went to wash up.. and den the cake cuttin session... i look horrible.. wet hair... no make up... and more pics takin... and den present presentation.. to Amir and to Ivan... i got my present earlier.. from Ayu.. she thot it was my farewell as well so she got me a little something from Perlini's Silver... it was sweet... so i told her that it was ok.. i could accept it as an advance birthday present... =)

little by little.. ppl started to leave.. soon it was down to a bunch of us.. tt was wen Gina had to go home.. and i too decided to go home.. so i sent Peiling and Ivan home as well.. i dunno wat Matt and the rest did after we left.. but yea... other than that.. nth else was worth mentioned...

total moodless, cranked up.

a feelin i noe havent been ard fer long.

been loomin ard i noe.

every second i can tell.

i avoided it.

tried very hard to.

unavoidable alas.

had i been wrong. was i too rash. doesn't seem fair.

well itz not to me either.

i could see the familiar me once again.

the only one i detest. that side of me i hate.

a hard slap i deserve fer tinkin i've changed.

sadly i doubt so.

the kids were notti.. they were cute.. they listened.. haha.. oh well.. they are still kids afterall..

and so it is.. i intended to only bring Fadli fer a swimming session at Hougang after my prac on Sat.. and it ended up like a mini excursion.. with Melissa, Irfan and Nabila.. yea.. the cheekiest and nottiest of all my cousins.. went to Jurong East.. haven't been der fer a long time.. took the rides with em.. went into the lazy pool with em.. and it no longer can be called lazy.. more like competitive.. catching after em.. but most of the time my buoy was pulled and pushed by the ever energetic kiddos.. Adrian was busy playin snake on his hp as he refused to bring his stuff even wen i reminded him to... so yea.. we went to the wave pool... and tis was the part i liked.. haha.. coz i can threaten to leave the kids on their buoy at the 1.7m side.. hahaha... only den did they listened to me.. i feel mean.. even with such thots.. i still bring em to and fro... 2 by 2..

had fun... more fun durin dinner.. especially with these kids.. u can nvr haf ur meals in peace.. haha.. i enjoyed havin em der... glad i brought em out.. visited my Grandparents and dropped Melissa off der.. sent the siblings home to their mommy... and i send my brother home.. decided to go fer a car wash and it was very cool... haha.. why? coz it was called the Frutti Tutti wash.. only the Frutti part was real la... i added in the Tutti on my own.. cute... hahaha.. so yea... i brought Adrian around Sengkang... and den drove to Punggol... i lurve drivin! hahaha.. Vit u shld start now.. quick quick quick! =P

i realised i am different. from wat i was, i haf grown. not physically i hope, but mentally i noe. i haf passed thru a major transition in life.

with the divergent perspective i hold now, i pray tt it will facilitate me thru life without much hindrance.

i am content with who i haf become today. a person whom i haf learnt to deal with. a temper which i haf learnt how to control. a selfish person who learns how to appreciates.

der are many things in life i haf yet to be exposed to, as i reminisce the past and begin to look forward to a new chapter in life. a whole new experience. series of downfalls. climbin higher the mountain of self-discovery. i pray.. fer u and fer me..

how could u asked me such a thing? how could u compare urself to me?

we are two different ppl, serchin fer different reasons and ways to live our lives..

u haf a total contrastin belief in life.. i haf my philosophies..

u shld noe wat u were gettin into.. i didn't.. u shld haf accepted..

i did and u couldn't.. so wat were u lookin fer.. or still lookin fer?

wat was is tt caught ur attention? was it the money? or was it the chase?

grow up. think. stop askin ppl to grow up and adapt to u. u chose the path u are in. be happy with wat u haf. and not grouch fer wat u cannot haf.

u said u cannot love someone if u can't accept him fer the way he is. if u are so smart den start minimisin the differences. stop talkin to me. i juz can't stand u.

"True love is found when you see their flaws, understand their weaknesses and compliment their strengths"

tt song was fer my fren.. not fer her.. but fer her ex boyfriend who lied, deceived and cheated her.. alrite they are all of the same meanin.. but yea.. i juz need the emphasis..

how could u fall into the same pithole twice..

how could u have fallen so deep and yet not see all those lies..

has love blinded u so bad everythin u see of him is good..

has he no feelings no more tt he needed to do tt..

could it be tt u fallen too fast..

or juz him who speaks the world of u..

she is a fren i knew fer a long time and i noe how she is.. we were very close.. she went thru the same shit twice.. i wasnt der fer her at both times.. many lessons of love she has learnt.. in hope fer the better... in search fer someone who's sincere.. who shares the same dreams... who's true....

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems like such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Give me back my point of view
'Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems like such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to do

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems like such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

-Look What You've Done, Jet

i am tired of talkin..

i am sick of applyin..

i am done with thinkin..

who cares wat they rest says..

like to hell with wat u think..

i haf decided to go ahead with it..

u juz haf to shut the hell up coz i will get it before u will..

and yea.. i am runnin away.. oh well, in a way..

i wanna run away and nvr stop..

till i find a comfort zone.. a place where i noe i need not worry..

a place where life is not all abt winnin..

where i need not rush to get wat i need to survive..

which i will not be gettin.. not right now..