oh well.. i haf decided not to make minor changes to my blog afterall..

i decided fer a total makeover.. yea.. again.. haha.. and i thot tis was nicer.. plus, i added some stuff on my own too.. =D so yea.. i am still sad.. not really sad.. but really, really unsatisfied.. tho i noe tt the time is definitely over.. wat made the whole situation worse was tt i had to constantly repeat myself at werk..

eh.. how ah ur tt job? uh good company rite?

urm, yea.. very good.. too bad i did not get it..

eh, but why ah? u are qualified wat..

yea.. but i did not take Mandarin..

so tt ended the whole series of questioning.. the rumours will spread again.. no worries.. sure.. the same way the rumour abt me quitting was spreading quite fast.. i sure can depend on the PNN (PastaMania News Network).. pretty fast and equally efficient.. but they mite get 90% of their news wrong.. haha..

so tt aside.. Happy Belated Birthday Ling.. hey u are 20 now.. with a girlfriend already.. haha.. been keepin the rest of us in suspense fer a long time eh.. shld haf juz come clean with us and u cld haf invited her to the chalet fer bonding session with the Gs.. haha.. anyway.. hope tt u enjoyed ur day.. with ur new found love.. and hope u will haf more to come in ur life.. but tt will definitely come after NS... haha.. oh well.. u still got like 2 mths to enjoy urself.. and till i see u again.. take care!

why?!?!??

i haf no freakin idea wat the hell is wrong with my blogskin.. dammit.. the entry i posted earlier caused the whole alignment to be changed.. i dun see how tt can happen.. and yea.. i hate it wen such things happen.. i tried everythin.. changin the post i created.. or changin the alignment.. but it did not work.. tt sucks.. help! i didnt noe how it could haf happen since i had not tempered with my template.. coz the previous entries were affected as well.. now tt is a total disaster fer a computer idiot..

i decided to engage in a computer expert's services, Faiz.. yea.. and he suggested Dreamweaver.. the only software tt i did not want to get involved in coz i had not paid enuff attention durin CSA to still be able to remember most of wat i had learnt.. and most of the time i was busy chattin online.. so yea tt aside.. i used Dreamweaver.. it was easier actually.. much more easier.. i had not realised how i could haf scored fer my website presentation in yr 1.. ish.. no regrets.. haha.. anyway.. i was editing the whole skin.. made it different.. more alignments.. and the shifting of the whole page.. and half of the sidetitles to the other side.. it was lookin good.. havin had the best i could come up with.. i copied the whole html code from Dreamweaver to Blogspot.. and saved my settings.. taddah!

nope.. it did not turn out as wat i had expected.. yea.. it ended up in tis state instead.. sucks.. i duno wat went wrong again.. dammit! i had enuf of it already.. damnation.

i noe i cannot be bitter fer more den an hour.. but tis is not bein bitter.. juz wanna make my point known..

i was actually offered the job at tt particular company.. yes.. good prospects.. i can say a good pay.. and yea.. itz a multi national company.. yeah.. i was recommended fer it.. everythin went well.. of coz it would.. i had no problems with all tt i had stated above.. i had to go down fer a confirmation on last thurs.. i was lookin forward to it.. i was ready to start my new job.. a different environment.. most imptly not the legal sector.. i thot i could learn alot of new things here.. i was very excited..

juz wen everythin was goin pretty good fer me.. i received a call at 845 on thrus mornin.. she, the head of the finance dept decided to call me to inform me tt she had a metting with her bosses and tt China will be one of their major client.. i was listenin.. she said tt she knew i could handle the job.. she den asked me if i could read and write in Mandarin.. oh well.. i cant.. no i cannot.. my dad may be Chinese but i cannot read and write in Chinese.. she wanted to gif me the job but wth.. she even suggested tt i buy some books and learn Chinese.. i thot tt was ridiculous.. i told her.. if i were to keep referrin and havin to translate every little word.. even if they were the main words.. it would take up a lot of time and tis would definitely slow down my work performance.. tt suggested the end of the call and crushed the little hopes i had brought too high..

i was depressed.. it was unfair.. how could such things not be foreseen.. so wat happens now.. China is booming.. yea.. and all they could talk in is Mandarin.. for heaven's sake.. English is the international language.. and if u were to want ur country to move up the economic ladder.. u got to make ur ppl learn English.. GOD DAMMIT.

okie okie i am still bitter.. but whatever will happen to the rest of the world who are not proficient in Mandarin.. and i thot tt bein able to speak and understand basic Mandarin was enuff.. i was proven wrong.. shit. so wat will the rest of us who cant read or write in Mandarin do.. rot? end up jobless? like wtf.. i dunno.. rite now i wished my parents had opt fer me to learn Mandarin in sch.. at least it will help me now.. bein proficient in Malay does not help u one bit.. i shld haf juz become a Malay teacher.. i hate to be in the position tt i am in rite now.. fuck.. how can i actually still haf the motivation to find a job wen such things happen.. especially wen itz last min.. argh! dammit! dickhead! fuckin asswipe! dumbass! *&^%$(*^ ^%&#$#**^%#$ &^&*$%#$#!*&^%

i feel better now. thanx.

i missed out alot juz by werkin.. i dun wanna werk no more.. haha.. i miss a lot of ppl juz by missin out on outings.. =( hehe..

11th June 2005
Happy Birthday Vit.. i'm sorry i wasn't der to celebrate ur bdae with the rest of the gang.. i wished i cld haf made it coz u guys looked like u were havin fun.. anyway.. hope tt u enjoyed ur day with em yea.. ur prezzie will be comin soon.. haha.. i hope i can get it by the time i see u again.. haha..

u believe in ur own principles.. u gave ur frenz words of encouragement.. u gave ur shoulder wen they are troubled.. u were always positive.. u always knew without askin.. u look at things in a different manner.. u choose to see wat others wun see.. all these qualities made u one of a kind.. i pray tt with all u haf in u.. it will see u thru life beautifully.. last but not least.. get a boyfriend! hahaha.. *muacks*

16th June 2005
Happy Birthday Faiz.. yea.. 15 already.. i tink i owe u a prezzie.. oh well.. ur prezzie shld be mine.. haha.. life is not all about darkness.. life is not all about loneliness.. life is never gonna be tirin fer u to live thru.. only 15 yrs of ur life and more to come.. so do look forward to it.. wat u wanna do in the future.. decisions u make now will affect ur life in the future.. and tt will determine whether life is all about wat u tink it is.. u haf yet to see the rest of wat life will bring u.. so take care and smile always.. a smile can bring wonders to ur life.. cheers!

19th June 2005
Happy Daddy's Day Dad.. havent been a good daughter.. haha.. always the stubborn one.. haha.. always the one givin u headache.. haha.. oh goodie.. wat wld life be like without a daughter like me.. hehehe..

thanks fer bein der fer me.. thanks fer overlookin me.. thanks fer all tt u haf done.. thanks showin me the path every time i'm lost.. thanks fer bein the father tt most fathers are not.. thanks Dad.. *hugs and kisses*

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all

-Because You Loved Me, Celine Dion

-=Dinner with the Ladies & Ling at Cafe Vanezia on 31st May=-



aww.. Azila looks happy with her prezzie.. =)



G15 sisters.. cute aren't we..? Azhani was jealous wen she took tis pic.. i can smell it rite out frm her.. haha..



"i licked it, put it in my mouth, and almost got choked on it but i still love it.." Nicole Richie.



before food..



after food.. satisfaction. aahhhhh..



From Right:
Cheena, Minah and Phillipina

i went fer the interview. i wanna get the position. i thot i got it. but i kinda screwed up.

i hate her fer not bein friendly coz u are afterall the from Human Resource dept. ur human relationship shld be daym better den mine. sadly u are not.

sushi dinner at Sakae with Vic and Yong Shun, Mel and Elainne, Ivan and Joyce as well as me and Adrian. felt better after havin my wasabi and sashimi. everythin went alrite. i had fun. i bet everyone else had fun too.

it felt like as tho i was movin. away from myself. away from wat i noe is real. i was beginnin to lose myself. my body became weak. my mind began driftin. into a place which i felt was familiar. one tt i have not been to in years. i could hear tt sound. it made me feel worse. i wanted to comfort myself. but i could feel myself cringe further. i am hearin it again. it was worse now. it sounded like satanic chants. i wanted to cover my ears. i couldn't. i was weak. i wanted to scream. but no one could hear me. i wanted to wake up. itz pullin me back. i wanted to open my eyes. i juz can't do it. i can't feel myself. i can't feel my blanket. i can't feel my bed. and all i see is black. darkness. injectin me with fear. swallowin me. savourin me.
















thanks to the paracetamol i took. i had hallucinations.

i had a dream.

it was a wierd, disturbin one. she said.

juz forget abt it. she said.

maybe i juz shld.

maybe i shldn't.

i noe i shld.

in my memories it will be. tt i marked yesterday as the day i had the dream.

i had a dream.. juz last nite.. really.. sth which i was not lookin forward to.. it was wierd.. i woke up and thot more abt it.. till now i am still tinkin.. oh well.. after much thots.. i tink it was not wierd at all.. nah.. i tink it would be alrite fer it to happen.. i hope.. with the blessings of all the ppl i need.. i hope it can all come true..
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.. i dreamt of Jalan Tuanku Abdul Rahman. now i am confused.. i dunno which is which.. whether itz Tun or Tuanku but yea.. i hope tis dream can come true again.. maybe itz a sign.. maybe the deprived individual can get his A&W.. and i can get my Dunkin Donuts.. maybe Baskin Robbins.. erm.. and complete shoppin at One Utama.. haha.. oh well.. the last time i dreamt of KL.. Az made my dream come true.. tis time round.. hmm.. i wonder who's gonna make it come true.. heh. =D

tis week.. wat have i been doin.. hmm... werk, werk, werk.. daym.. i need a break.. maybe yes... from Pastamania.. maybe i have had enuff.. wat i faced today was not really of a major issue.. but yea.. i can't take it no more.. takin me fer granted.. i dun like tt.. minus the fact tt i do take things in my life fer granted.. but tis is different.. i dunno.. i see no relation.. so yea.. a break from all of those crap i so need.. haha.. see Faiz.. i can speak Yoda language.. who says i can't? hah!

oh well.. on wed nite.. it was the BBQ with the Serangoonians.. itz been like ages since i last met em.. the ladies lar.. as fer the guys.. still do lepak with em at Starbucks.. but fer the fact tt tis mite be the last gathering fer all of us together before the guys goes to serve the nation.. Dollah went in yesterday.. Azman today.. and den Mat.. after which is Ismail.. lastly is Adi and he's goin in on my birthday.. hahaha.. same with Ivan.. haiz.. *sob* *sob* sooo gonna miss Ivan at werk.. i tink i will miss everyone soon.. haiz..

so the BBQ went on well except fer some major disagreements arisin from minor things tt shld not even be taken into consideration at all.. anyway.. i had fun with everyone.. heard some stuff which i wld not expect come about.. heard some things abt someone which i can't believe.. great time catchin up with the ladies.. met someone i had not met in close to 3 yrs.. had pretty good conversations.. some dumb ones.. lost on Coke.. ate nice food.. it was enlightening to see everyone enjoyin themselves..

so yesterday.. again i had fun.. shopping! haha.. everythin went great fer me.. good.. i will resume my drivin lessons in 2 weeks time.. and i received a phone call i have been waitin fer.. hope i can push it back to July coz i need to give sufficient notice.. i hope it comes true.. a change of environment.. we were at G2000 and guess wat.. i bought all my stuff with a discount of 45%.. hah! goodie goodie.. great shoppin time i had.. heavy dinner we had.. great luffs we all shared.. and a long day i have had.. i am lookin forward to everythin except tis irritatin piece of blot i am havin which i am so not tellin where.. haha..