i did not forget. i don't remember being told.

yea, i'm pissed.

anyway, something someone said recently got me really upset. it wasn't even told to me directly. someone else told me. and i appreciate that. i don't like to be kept in the dark. those words that came out sounded as though there wasn't the slightest bit of memory of what happened in the past. it sounded bitter. it sounded envious. it sounded nothing like joy.

i'm not the type who would compare apples to apples. but those words got me thinking about what i had done before. what i would do before. what i would still do now if those words weren't spoken. if what happened, had not happened. if there hadn't been any avoidance in the first place.

now that i'm affected by it, i really hope i can let myself pass it and not let it affect anything else. i hope that someone didn't mean it.

i got to admit. it was fun. yesterday, Nik and i went to PS to watch Street Kings. the show was great! the plot was quite twisted though.

after that, we had a good dinner at East Coast. how can you resist BBQ chicken wings and satay?! yummy! i like! plus my favourite drink, sugarcane with lemon. double yummy! we felt that the chicken wings and satay weren't enough, we ordered mutton chop. i had fresh coconut after dinner and my darling boyfriend scraped the coconut so clean, he didn't realised it. Yan and Awin called when we were almost done with dinner, to ask if they could join us. the next thing we know, Ewik and Shami (i don't know how it's spelt so i'm guessing), Dzaf, Rik and Bernard came too. that made their dinner more enjoyable. their randomness, it's tummy aching.

dinner was more like supper since we finished close to midnight. we went over to Bernard's place to watch Blackburn vs Manchester United. Manchester was so close to losing. they weren't playing well with each other, i must say. wrong choice of players. Hezwan, Zad, Syadie and Asraf came too. after soccer, the guys indulged in Army of 2 on XBox. while Awin and me were enjoying some good beauty sleep.

we woke up at 830 and headed to MacDonalds (Kallang) for some good breakfast. so, i just came back from sending my boyfriend and the two small boys home. it's all nothing but goodness. now, enjoy your lazy Sunday people. or at least mine! haha.

i don't like what i got today. it's not the first time it happened.

i don't understand why is it that you can't inform me. it's basic courtesy. would i be in the right sense of mind to tell you no. i'm not like that. i don't really feel like i belong there to begin with. it's okay. scurry all you want. it's okay. scoot all you want.

i am fine on my own. i'm beginning to appreciate being on my own. i don't need any of you to pretend to talk to me. let's just leave it at that yea. superficial pretense. i'm sure we'll get along just fine.

Please speak softly, for they will hear us

And they'll find out why we don't trust them

Speak up dear cause I cannot hear you

I need to know why we don't trust them

Explain to me this conspiracy against me

And tell how I've lost my power

- Conspiracy, Paramore

i didn't go to work again today. haha. i seem to be on the "skip work row". not that i didn't want to go to work. okay, that's a lie. i didn't want to go to work. i had my follow up appointment at CGH in the morning. met Nik at Eastpoint to have breakfast at Burger King before heading down to CGH. i love the croissanwich turkey ham. double yummy! and i think my boyfriend's getting really annoyed with my impunctuality. heh.

went to CGH late and had my blood taken. i wish i had nurses who could take my blood samples during my stay at CGH. the doctors can't take blood for nuts! they are the cause for my fear of pain. when the nurse took my blood, i felt no pain and it was fast. no hassle. just don't get me started on the doctors (might i add that they are JUNIOR doctors) who attempted to take my blood miserably. met the doctor who attended to me, and he was shocked to see me in the condition that i was just now. he said, "you look very different from how you were when you were here. you look so weak, pale and miserable when you were here." of course i looked miserable! i was stuck at the hospital, who'd be happy about that?! other than the long MC i got. haha.

apparently, i'm back to normal. my platelets were back to normal. it was 375 out of 440. that's a good figure! when i was hospitalised, my platelets were really low. it was between the range of 93 - 100. a normal person is supposed to have an average of 200. so, that was why they didn't want to let me go home then. i'm glad everything's okay now. somehow, the after effect of the long MC, is that i'm on the lazy spree. yeap, overdose of laziness. to go to work that is. the doctor was so nice, he gave me MC for today without me asking for it. how thoughtful. that means that i can cancel my leave.

since i was on MC and i didn't want to go home too early, Nik and i watched Run, Fat Boy, Run. i expected the show to be very funny. well, not too funny but it was touching in the end. oh, the luxury of not working on Monday and the perks of watching a movie at student price is just fabulous. our tickets were $12. heavenly. we almost went for another movie, Street Kings. decided not to and instead, Nik went for a haircut because his mom asked him to cut his hair. well, he did it so that the burden on his younger sister can be lifted up because she just lost her Prada phone. ouch! so, he cut his hair and highlighted it red. i don't think his parents will be too happy with the highlighting though. all for the sake of his sister. haha. anything for the family.

Kentucky Fried Cruelty - www.kentuckyfriedcruelty.com

maybe some of you have heard of the aminal abuse towards the chickens used for KFC. well, this is of course happening in the States. i don't think it's taking place here in Singapore at all. some have taken the step to boycott eating KFC, like my boyfriend, due to the animal abuse. i, myself haven't eaten KFC for a long time.

it's still up to individuals though. if you think eating KFC outside of States is fine, go ahead. no one's stopping you. but they are afterall, under the same organisation. franchise or not. my point here is not to ask you guys to stop eating KFC. to each their own.

i was surfing the website this morning. something caught my eye and i ended up playing it the whole morning! yea, they actually created a game for you to play. Pamela Anderson kidnapped by the "evil" Colonel Sanders. you get to choose 2 characters, Nugget or Chickette. pick your character and embark on the journey to save Pamela. the game's fun for me because it's just like playing Super Mario. yeap! check it out below. 

so, whatever your beliefs are, just go play the game. just like me! have fun!

HD Ready

does being sick entitles you to crave? haha. well, i was. i was specifically craving for pasta. Prawn Aglio and Cream of Tomato. yummy! and then, it was Popeye's. why Popeye's? because i love their chicken, mashed potato and fries. so, feeling better on Friday, Nik brought me to the airport so that i can have my craving satisfied. =) i love my boyfriend. luckily there's a straight bus to airport from my place. straight bus means long journey. my mom forbade me to drive, so we went public. not that the journey was that long. it was crowded. i don't like crowds.

when we finally reached there, i expected a crowd. and there sure was a queue. a long queue indeed. despite that, Nik queued and bought our food. somehow, the food was different. i didn't know if it was my throat or maybe it was because i was still sick. everything was terribly salty. the chicken, mashed potato and even the fries. it was disappointing. i wanted to fill up the comment form and decided not to. well at least i enjoyed watching Popeye while eating.

and oh, i was helping my mom bring in the laundry. the balcony was stuffy, i opened the windows. i felt a gush of wind on my face, closed my eyes to enjoy the breeze. when i opened my eyes and looked out of the window, eveything in view was so clear. it was so sharp. it all seemed surreal. the greens were really green. it was so vivid. i can only describe it in one way. it feels like watching HD TV. yea, that's how clear and sharp my view was. just like Bravia.

baby's day out at the hospital

it has been a hell of 2 weeks of my life. something that i never thought i might come close to going through. i can't stand being sick even for a day, what more 2 weeks. yes, and i was even hospitalised.

it all started on Monday, 24 March 2008, the day after Nik's birthday, i went to work only in the afternoon. things were going on okay so far. had my usual routine of tea at work and tried to find work to do despite it being a Monday. how can you not have work waiting for you on a Monday?! even my lawyer didn't have anything for me to do. it rained the whole day. really heavy rain. you know how the relationship between me and the rain is. it's March, for heaven's sake! it's NOT supposed to rain. i decided to visit my grandmother after work at SGH despite the rain. me being me, i decided not to bring the umbrella knowing that i can get drenched the moment i step out of my building. i decided to take the long route to the MRT. there's shelter all the way from the MRT to SGH, did you know? well, i sort of knew that. armed with Nik's black jacket (that has unofficially become my everyday jacket), i walked all the way and got myself drenched up all the way to my knees. no worries, i've always seen myself as a superwoman. ha!

on the way back in the car, i told my dad that i was having some back ache. i can tell when i'm getting the bug. popped 2 panadol Extra and hoped it'd go away. told Fadli to stay away from me, i know how fast he can catch the bug too. i went to bed, thinking it'd go away the next day because it usually does. it was exceptionally cold and i wrapped myself with the jacket and went to bed. somewhere in the middle of the night, i remember taking the jacket off, feeling warm. at 3 am, i woke up and put back the jacket back on. i was trembling. i was shivering. i was clammering. i was shaking vigorously on my bed. i was clinging on to my blanket like it was dear life. i thought i was going into fits any time. i was feeling terribly cold. it was so bad, i started crying. 

i reached out for my phone and called my dad. i told him i was trembling. he thought i was joking. he came into my room with my mom, to see me under my blanket, trembling so vigorously. i kept telling them, i'm cold. my mom panicked. she climbed into bed beside me and tried to keep me warm by rubbing my back. my body did not feel hot at all. i continued shaking and crying, hoping it'd all go away quickly. my dad made hot cocoa for me, made me popped 2 panadol. nothing worked. my mom asked my dad to call the ambulance. he hesitated, but he did.

i was taken to CGH via ambulance at about 3:30 am on Tuesday morning. my temperature hit 40.9 degrees in the ambulance. tell me, am i hot or am i hot?! haha. so yes. never in my life, have i ever had that high of a temperature. when i was in the ambulance, i still felt cold but at the same i started to feel my temperature. i started to feel the heat in my body. i felt like i was burning. my temperature however, was not the reason why they decided to admit me into the hospital. the reason why i was admitted was because my blood pressure was exceptionally low. that was the beginning of my hotel stay of 6 days. i was put on drip. i had 3 bags of drip in A&E. another 3 bags for day 1 of stay. all these in hope of lowering down my temperature. it sure did, it made me pee a whole lot too.

the fever attacked every 4 hours. each time it did, my temperature will go up to 39 degrees. i stopped to tremble. it's the temperature that i could not handle. to the point where the nurse had to sponge me with iced water. that felt nothing to me. 

different doctors come and go. they all ask me the same questions, "any cough? any flu? any sore throat? have you travelled anywhere in the past month?" they took blood samples every day that i was there. refusing to let me go home. sending my blood for test for denggi. refusing to believe that it wasn't. all that they could tell me each day they see my is that my blood pressure is very low and that my blood count is very low. i was getting sick of all that they had to say. it's one and the same. 

i wanted to go home so bad, i was desperate. Saturday morning, the team doctors came by. to tell me the same thing again. you know, when you missed the flight to freedom on Saturday, that means you won't get to be discharged at all till Monday. well, it was supposedly the end of the administrative week right. i was so disappointed i wanted to cry. eventually, i resigned to my fate of being discharged on Monday instead. on Sunday, i was forced by the nurse to have a cold shower (who likes cold shower?). just after shower, the doctor came by. she asked me where did i go as she was looking for me. i was showering for heaven's sake. so, she told me my blood test result's out and i can be discharged. i went berserk. i asked her again, just to confirm. yes, she said. she told me that i had viral fever and my blood count has increased slightly, and they can allow me to go home. yippee!!

did i mention too, that i was in the cardiovascular department? haha. yea, i found that funny too. the general department of CGH had no bed for me, they had to send me to the heart department. so imagine this, the 4 other old ladies staying with me, were having problems that my grandmother is having. heart attack, stroke, whatever you can think of. 

the fever did not stop though the moment i get home. i only started to feel better as of yesterday. it's just not as bad as it was. today's the last day of my MC. that means back to work on Monday. i hope i can get back though. haha.

and throughout my stay at the hotel, Nik came and visit me every single day. he made sure i was okay before he leaves. he always made sure i ate something. something was almost nothing. i just couldn't eat. constantly asking if i wanted anything to eat or read. he even bought me jelly beans (that i thought of not opening) and CLEO. somehow, each time he came, i'll be having my attacks. he'd stay and sponge me. he said he's jinxed. and i don't think so, it's just so that he's there to care for me. haha. i love you, sweetheart.

my dad took a week off from work too. he went to and fro CGH and SGH to visit me and my grandma. he brought me all my nonsense from home. the funny part was that i asked my mom to bring my iPod, and guess what. she passed my dad my Macbook instead. my dad thinking that i asked for it, brought it to CGH only to have both of us laughing at my mom. isn't she cute. my mom came too, on alternate days that she's not working. i love my parents. i'm sorry for freaking you guys out but heck, i was freaked out myself too! i love you!

i also had visits from Rab who came the day i was admitted because she works in the lab at CGH. Bernard and Farhan dropped by on my second night. my instant reaction was to hide under the blanket and went tak glam, tak glam! Bernard said, what glam you want? you are in a hospital for heaven's sake! haha. Awin and Yan came by on Thursday. Rab dropped by after work and gave me a whole load of information that i was unaware of. Ain and Inn came by on Friday night. thanks guys for making the trip down to see me. i appreciate it. *BIGHugs*

okay now, it's been a really long entry. on to the road of recovery!!