it makes me feel of less importance, it makes me feel like i come after them.

is comfortable too boring?!

we all have it in us. we choose to be safe. why take the risk when you know being safe won't do you any wrong. well, being too comfortable is not necessarily good. in all aspects of life, that is.

you choose to go out with the same group of people so that you won't have to start making conversations all over again. just so that you'd feel a sense of belonging. oh yea, like i know that joke. even better, not to have their judgements cast on you with their rolling eyes and disapproving looks.

you choose to eat at the same places, the same order. even the same people. that's so you won't blame yourself should the new food not be nice. yes auntie, the usual. to the extent where the auntie knows your order, where you're working at and as what.

you choose to do the same things even if knowing that you'd like to have a change of environment. you'd plan to do all sorts of things that can be done, and yet when the time comes, you go back to watching a movie.

it's about being familiar where you are. it becomes a routine that you don't seem to want to stop doing. you stop exploring the choices you have. and soon, even making a repetitive decision gets harder. is that what having a social life is?

don't worry, i'm just like you.

i haven't been blogging at all. i've got lots to say in the past weeks and yet when i get home, i'll switch on my laptop just to switch it off again.

it's tiring to look at the screen when that's what i do 8 hours daily. if that had been my exercise routine, i'd probably be in the Olympics by now.

so, the week passed quite smoothly except for some minor bumps here and there, which is of course unavoidable. let's move on. Friday night, we watched The Kingdom. it was a disturbing show and of course, it being an American movie, they just have to make themselves look heroic though not in a unrealistic kind of way. oh and, if you can't stand watching people's heads being chopped off or shot till their guts fall out or anything else more gruesome than that, please do not watch the show. plus, if you don't like the audience to cheer at a scene where someone's head's stabbed with a knife, even knowing he deserved it more than anything else in his ife, please just keep your fucking comments to yourself. intelligent, you think. i think not.

moving on, the whole of Saturday was spent in a fruitful way. i got my first hand at acting (yea, the one where there's actually a whole production crew and a camera), thanks to Yan. it was a valuable experience for me. i think that itself would inspire me to take up acting, i prefer theater though. it was LAN gaming with the guys after a whole day of spot light shining in your face. some of them got a taste of my crazy driving. not driving i would say, i drive okay. i prefer the term speed devil. it's not reckless. it's just that, at the end of the night, lesson learnt is not to ask me to do anything that will leave you screaming in my car. haha.

another point to note of is, not to ask me to carry out pranks because when i do, the devil is in me. i think i still prefer the word cheeky. haha. i have too many preferences eh.

Sunday, it was like family day except it was with G15. bowling and dinner at Seoul Garden. to celebrate Erfen's belated birthday. it was fun definitely. to see all the different bowling styles. to see how your advice works on others but not yourself. everything. next up, Izad's birthday, 22nd December. he's exactly 5 months younger than me. haha. and we both turn 22 on 22nd!

the rain and i, we're going through a love-hate patch right now.

the weekend was crazy. playing mini golf at Sentosa with Azila, Yanie, Sin Ping, Erfen and Soffie was just insane. constantly hearing the same voice asking us to keep the mosquitoes away from her. it makes me wonder how was it that she survived NCC. sheesh.

Alfrey, Nik's cousin, joined the Subaru Challenge. something that i would love to try myself, to see how far can i last. that was before i saw the mental agony and torture he has to put himself through. i couldn't help but to cry just looking at him. Bella always supports Alfrey. and we know somehow that it was something he can do. it doesn't matter to us that he didn't win. afterall, there's always a lesson to be learnt out of it.

people can really be such assholes. and in a game like that, nobody's your friend. and if anyone of you decide to give it a try, go ahead. but remember that it's all about you. it's useless to try and save someone from being shown the way out because at the end of the day, they only have themselves to think of. ALFREY IS A WINNER.

well, my lawyer was on leave yesterday and she will be back only on the 19th of this month. i thought i'd be a happy person. the first day she's not around, i'm already asked to do work that's not hers. i hope that it'd be better from tomorrow onwards.

i am reconsidering my options. i thought that i had it all sorted out. and i messed it all up again. shit. deep down inside, i'd still love to go on with what i started. would that be a better choice? then again, is that how i'd really like to see myself?

yesterday, we had a spa retreat for the firm.. it was, nice of course. i had a whole body exfoliating ginger scrub, body massage, foot massage (i gave in and fell asleep during this one) and manicure done. all at the expense of my firm. i can get used to this! dinner at the Vineyard. the food was alright. wouldn't say it's not good. appetisers, cold dishes, lots of meat and rich desserts.

it was a get-to-know-them-better session for me. it was fun, fun, fun! outdoor and indoor jacuzzi plus the steam room. i actually thought i shrunk after being steamed for about 40 minutes. sheesh!

Stardust is a romantic comedy that is a must! it just gets to you, even if you think you have a heart of stone.

sometimes, i'm envious. and it can really get my mind haywire. and i wish it's not occuring more often than it already is. it's unhealthy. i wish there were better reasons. i hope the future can make up for it.