Blame it on the Weatherman

just before noon, we were all mourning. just after my paternal relatives came, we were mourning. my family just lost another of our close family member.

he had dreamy eyes. he had a "pitiful" face i can't resist. he was always quiet, never making any noise. he would talk to me, asking me to feed him. he would look at me, as if asking for permission whether he can come into my room. he was the middle one among the rest. he never fights. he always lets them win. he was close to Kiki. and he was Comot.

he was always shy of strangers. he would run and hide in the room or anywhere he found comfort. and it was to his place of comfort that he fell. all the way from the 15th floor. it was drizzling. he jumped. he missed a step and the ground was slippery. he laid limp on his side.

it's a lie, cats do not have 9 lives.


when he was just about a month old, getting comfortable in the house.


they've been friends ever since this day.


he loves to sleep in that position.


and he loves to snuggle.


in my room, still snuggling. *hugs*

i will miss him terribly.

Ballerina Princess

it didn't rain the whole of today, all sunny and windy. to think that i missed on this rare opportunity to ...... hang out my clean laundry earlier.. darn! never mind.

the truth is, i'm still sore over those words. hence the silence given to him since that day. i wouldn't want to prolong it any longer but i can't pretend i'm fine and dandy, forgetting it all.
if i wasn't paying attention to the road, it could have been much worse than that.
if i wasn't thinking, i could have slammed down the accelerator instead of the brakes.

it's still in my mind, no matter how i try to push it away. no matter how i laugh about it. it feels cold talking about it, to pass by the place knowing how hard i had jammed the brakes. how blur the surrounding was. how the rain was falling onto me. i still can't believe i made it to our destination in that condition that i was in. i guess it was almost like i was on auto-pilot. and when i got out of the car, the sudden rush of emotions was overwhelming.

it could have been much worse and i'm thankful that it wasn't. i had 4 other lives with me in the car and i wouldn't want anything to happen to them. or any other persons riding with me for that matter. i would go back in time to do all i can to avoid it. spent more time walking around Heeren, smoked another stick before getting into the car or even left town earlier just so that we will reach not later than 11 pm. anything. i'm sorry it happened. but i really wish it hadn't.

to all: thank you for asking, for caring.
to Bernard, Rab and Zad: thank you for all the assurance, for the various attempts in making me laugh. you guys are a great bunch. i'm sure this would create a bond between us, even a better story to tell. =) *hugs*
to my one and only: thank you for being there for me, for all the hugs and kisses that i needed, for trusting me and for being my pillar of strength. i love you

his exact words:-

"WHAT HAPPENED?!"
"WERE YOU ALONE?!"
"MUST BE YOU ALL WERE TALKING COCK RIGHT?!"
"WHY YOU NEVER PAY ATTENTION TO THE ROAD?!"
"IMPOSSIBLE IF THE IMPACT IS THAT HARD!"
"THE CAR IS ONLY 3 MONTHS!"
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT WAS IN YOUR HEAD!"

versus

my only words:-
"YOU WERE NOT IN THE CAR, YOU WOULDN'T KNOW!"

car versus me,
CAR WINS.

it makes me feel of less importance, it makes me feel like i come after them.

is comfortable too boring?!

we all have it in us. we choose to be safe. why take the risk when you know being safe won't do you any wrong. well, being too comfortable is not necessarily good. in all aspects of life, that is.

you choose to go out with the same group of people so that you won't have to start making conversations all over again. just so that you'd feel a sense of belonging. oh yea, like i know that joke. even better, not to have their judgements cast on you with their rolling eyes and disapproving looks.

you choose to eat at the same places, the same order. even the same people. that's so you won't blame yourself should the new food not be nice. yes auntie, the usual. to the extent where the auntie knows your order, where you're working at and as what.

you choose to do the same things even if knowing that you'd like to have a change of environment. you'd plan to do all sorts of things that can be done, and yet when the time comes, you go back to watching a movie.

it's about being familiar where you are. it becomes a routine that you don't seem to want to stop doing. you stop exploring the choices you have. and soon, even making a repetitive decision gets harder. is that what having a social life is?

don't worry, i'm just like you.