pick me, choose me, love me.
i haven't cried this much since season 3 of Grey's Anatomy. i was kind of backward with the season and now, season 5 is out with 2 new episodes. i need to dry my tear ducts by end of this week with season 4 so that i can move on to the new season.
sometimes, crying is healthy. it clears up the choked pipe.
raya has come and gone. some would say it's for a month. i would say it's officially over. i took the week off. i beat most people i know. most of my friends had to go back on the second day of raya. i couldn't care less. since i do not foresee myself going for a holiday anytime this year, this is my well deserved break. and now the week is coming to an end. it sucks. at times like this, i wish i was unemployed. i wouldn't want to be cursing myself silly but at some point, you need to have that unemployment break.
Bella Raya outing will be on the 18th. (un)luckily, me and Nik are the supposed organizers for this year. it was an involuntary decision. the winners of last year get to pick the guinea pigs for the following year. it'd be our turn to pass the baton next. we haven't gotten much planned out except for the booking of the bus. courtesy of my aunt's father-in-law. i need to get down with the route planning soon. everyone's asking.
G15 Raya outing is supposedly on the 11th. i still can't confirm if i am able to make it due to prior appointments made.
i'm looking forward to my massage appointment tomorrow. i really need it. my whole body feels like a chunk of wood. my sleeping habits have screwed up during the fasting month and it still remains that way. the past 2 weeks have taken a toll on my body. i haven't been to school too since the passing and then this week due to raya preparations. thanks to nice, helpful classmates of mine, their notes and lecture recordings will be mine soon.
i know i haven't been around much in your lives. i hope i could be too. i don't do well with awkwardness and pretense. so, i really hope to see you (all) soon. if i don't, Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir dan Batin.
it has been a long one. so, sleep tight and sweet dreams.
Happy March 4th Tengku Nur Nikman. i love you more than you'll ever know.
Friday, September 26, 2008
words you don't mean.
it's less than a week more to Raya. given what my family has just gone through, it's not very ideal to have a grand celebration. we pretty much lost time (and loved one) to have any preparations. plans were put on hold and will not be happening as time does not permit. neither my dad nor my mom is in the mood to be all celebratory about Raya this year. yes, death do dampen some but not all the spirit we have in us.
being older means you know things that the younger one will not know. being older means that you can understand why your parents react the way they did. being older means that they do not need to tell you exactly for you to know.
oh heck!
yesterday was supposedly Preetha's last day at work. since i was not around for 3 days, i didn't know that till i came to work this morning. i guess she did not want to "disturb" me during such an occasion. she did come back today to clear up all her stuff from her room. i had lots of things to clear, files to handover to the respective lawyers and definitely tons of files to be closed/warehoused. i have about a month to clear her room completely before the new Mauritius lawyer comes in early November. plus the fact that i will be on leave the whole of next week. that means only 3 weeks for all these nonsense.
i did not manage to get her any farewell present. we talked and i walked with her to her car to put the bulk of her stuff. and the second time, i walked her to send her off. all i had to offer her was a hug. i did not even say a proper thank you. i'm not a very expressive person when it comes to these kind of things. especially in person. i hope she knew. i hope too, that in a year, i'll be here when she comes back. she kept telling me that i can email her every now and then. i think she misses me already. oh, dila.
i know i miss her the moment i got into the lift.
it's less than a week more to Raya. given what my family has just gone through, it's not very ideal to have a grand celebration. we pretty much lost time (and loved one) to have any preparations. plans were put on hold and will not be happening as time does not permit. neither my dad nor my mom is in the mood to be all celebratory about Raya this year. yes, death do dampen some but not all the spirit we have in us.
being older means you know things that the younger one will not know. being older means that you can understand why your parents react the way they did. being older means that they do not need to tell you exactly for you to know.
oh heck!
yesterday was supposedly Preetha's last day at work. since i was not around for 3 days, i didn't know that till i came to work this morning. i guess she did not want to "disturb" me during such an occasion. she did come back today to clear up all her stuff from her room. i had lots of things to clear, files to handover to the respective lawyers and definitely tons of files to be closed/warehoused. i have about a month to clear her room completely before the new Mauritius lawyer comes in early November. plus the fact that i will be on leave the whole of next week. that means only 3 weeks for all these nonsense.
i did not manage to get her any farewell present. we talked and i walked with her to her car to put the bulk of her stuff. and the second time, i walked her to send her off. all i had to offer her was a hug. i did not even say a proper thank you. i'm not a very expressive person when it comes to these kind of things. especially in person. i hope she knew. i hope too, that in a year, i'll be here when she comes back. she kept telling me that i can email her every now and then. i think she misses me already. oh, dila.
i know i miss her the moment i got into the lift.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
death by cerebrovascular accident.
21 September 2008, at or about 9:30 am. Teo Geok Lan Mary, my paternal grandmother was confirmed dead by the medical practitioner. she breathed her last breath at or about 8:35 am.
she had been suffering from two attacks of cerebrovascular accident (more commonly known as stroke) and one of a heart attack, all in a span of two years. her last attack of stroke caused her the most suffering. it gave her no chance of recovery. her condition deteriorated quickly.
her wake was held from Sunday till Tuesday afternoon. her body was cremated at Mandai Crematorium at 4:30 pm. it took less than 5 minutes. she was gone.
rest in peace mama.
I'm sorry
I hear about the bad news today
A crowd of people around you
Telling you it's okay
And everything happens for a reason
When you lose a part of your self
To somebody you know
It takes a lot to let go
Every breath that you remember
Pictures fade away but memory is forever
An empty chair at all the tables
And I'll be seeing you when all my days boil down
But it's better where you're going anyway
I'm sorry
I hear about the bad news today
It's really hard to get through
Tough times and long days
But it really depends on the season
When you lose a part of your self
To somebody you know
It takes a lot to let go
Every breath that you remember
Pictures fade away but memory is forever
An empty chair at all the tables
And I'll be seeing you when all my days boil down
For now we'll say goodbye
We know it's not the last time
I've lost the best part of my day
But it's better where you're going anyway
An empty chair at all the tables
And I'll be seeing you when all my days boil down
For now we'll say goodbye
We know it's not the last time
I've lost the best part of my day
This is the last thing
I will remember
It's better where you're going anyway
- Sonny, New Found Glory
21 September 2008, at or about 9:30 am. Teo Geok Lan Mary, my paternal grandmother was confirmed dead by the medical practitioner. she breathed her last breath at or about 8:35 am.
she had been suffering from two attacks of cerebrovascular accident (more commonly known as stroke) and one of a heart attack, all in a span of two years. her last attack of stroke caused her the most suffering. it gave her no chance of recovery. her condition deteriorated quickly.
her wake was held from Sunday till Tuesday afternoon. her body was cremated at Mandai Crematorium at 4:30 pm. it took less than 5 minutes. she was gone.
rest in peace mama.
I'm sorry
I hear about the bad news today
A crowd of people around you
Telling you it's okay
And everything happens for a reason
When you lose a part of your self
To somebody you know
It takes a lot to let go
Every breath that you remember
Pictures fade away but memory is forever
An empty chair at all the tables
And I'll be seeing you when all my days boil down
But it's better where you're going anyway
I'm sorry
I hear about the bad news today
It's really hard to get through
Tough times and long days
But it really depends on the season
When you lose a part of your self
To somebody you know
It takes a lot to let go
Every breath that you remember
Pictures fade away but memory is forever
An empty chair at all the tables
And I'll be seeing you when all my days boil down
For now we'll say goodbye
We know it's not the last time
I've lost the best part of my day
But it's better where you're going anyway
An empty chair at all the tables
And I'll be seeing you when all my days boil down
For now we'll say goodbye
We know it's not the last time
I've lost the best part of my day
This is the last thing
I will remember
It's better where you're going anyway
- Sonny, New Found Glory
Sunday, September 14, 2008
2 years 7 months since Curry Favour.
you're the sugar on my toast. i love you.
it's way past my bedtime! i'm supposed to be in deep sleep by now. my boyfriend's been sick since Thursday. i wish i could do something to make it all go away. i really hope you get better when you wake up sweetie. all the hugs and kisses in the world!
i don't like it - Angela and Hodgins broke up. they're like my ultimate favourite TV couple.
you're the sugar on my toast. i love you.
it's way past my bedtime! i'm supposed to be in deep sleep by now. my boyfriend's been sick since Thursday. i wish i could do something to make it all go away. i really hope you get better when you wake up sweetie. all the hugs and kisses in the world!
i don't like it - Angela and Hodgins broke up. they're like my ultimate favourite TV couple.
Sunday, September 07, 2008
miracles don't happen.
i just came back from watching 4bia. for those who wants to pop your weak hearts out, go catch it. 4 awesome short stories in one. it's actually one of the best Thai horror movie i've watched. the thing about Thai horror movies are that they really scare the shit out of you.
i caused my dad's car some good fucking ugly abrasions. it happened while i was doing a fucking parallel parking in Geylang with Nik to buy deng deng. i scraped the front bumper of the car against the sweet fucking high curb (i don't know what to really call it) while reversing, thinking that i had fucking enough space to maneuver the car. i'd send it to the fucking workshop but they'd change the whole bumper because the fucking workshop don't do minor repairs as such. it'd definitely cost me some fucking money, a few fucking hundred. i can't send the car for repair at another workshop to get the paint job done because if i did, the fucking warranty will be void. so, i am so fucking angry at myself for allowing that to happen.
there i go, fucking sentences. i can't do this entry while fasting. so all curses and swearing will have to finished within this entry. oh wait, there's the curses from my dad when he hears of this. that's why i plan to let him know after he breaks fast later today so as not to spoil his efforts of fasting. damn it! damn it! damn it!
the thing about it was that Auntie Jun was against me driving to Geylang. she said it's a Saturday night and it'd be hard to get a parking slot. she suggested that we take the bus and come back for the car. me being me, decided that we should just get the food and go off. i even said that parking will not be that hard where i intended to park. i just didn't want to go back to Nik's place to collect the car.
see?! i should have listened to Nik's mom. oh heck! i'm learning this lesson again and again the hard way. in all, listen to ALL mothers (whether yours or not). they don't say "mothers know best" for nothing.
i just came back from watching 4bia. for those who wants to pop your weak hearts out, go catch it. 4 awesome short stories in one. it's actually one of the best Thai horror movie i've watched. the thing about Thai horror movies are that they really scare the shit out of you.
i caused my dad's car some good fucking ugly abrasions. it happened while i was doing a fucking parallel parking in Geylang with Nik to buy deng deng. i scraped the front bumper of the car against the sweet fucking high curb (i don't know what to really call it) while reversing, thinking that i had fucking enough space to maneuver the car. i'd send it to the fucking workshop but they'd change the whole bumper because the fucking workshop don't do minor repairs as such. it'd definitely cost me some fucking money, a few fucking hundred. i can't send the car for repair at another workshop to get the paint job done because if i did, the fucking warranty will be void. so, i am so fucking angry at myself for allowing that to happen.
there i go, fucking sentences. i can't do this entry while fasting. so all curses and swearing will have to finished within this entry. oh wait, there's the curses from my dad when he hears of this. that's why i plan to let him know after he breaks fast later today so as not to spoil his efforts of fasting. damn it! damn it! damn it!
the thing about it was that Auntie Jun was against me driving to Geylang. she said it's a Saturday night and it'd be hard to get a parking slot. she suggested that we take the bus and come back for the car. me being me, decided that we should just get the food and go off. i even said that parking will not be that hard where i intended to park. i just didn't want to go back to Nik's place to collect the car.
see?! i should have listened to Nik's mom. oh heck! i'm learning this lesson again and again the hard way. in all, listen to ALL mothers (whether yours or not). they don't say "mothers know best" for nothing.
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