it's funny when someone calls u their dream girl.. yea.. even literally.. so wat does it mean to be someone's actual dream girl..? a girl or rather a woman, they've been searching for.. one who fits all that they are asking for.. perfect face, perfect body, perfect everything.. i can't define the meaning.. for to each their own..

what happens when you dream of someone even before meeting them.. everything's the same.. their smile.. your surroundings.. their clothes.. their familiar faces.. i would be spooked.. but would you perceive it as fate? fated to meet.. paths of 2 different persons crossed.. how it ended, that's otherwise..

some calls it deja vu.. in a way.. i think i would.. maybe.. does this mean that you ought to take your dreams seriously? when i've always been told that, for in your sleep you will come across a game called dreams.... i have no idea.. and would you let yourself believe in it..? i leave it up to you...

marriage is the bond created between a man and woman for eternity.. nowadays, it's not often that you can find couples keeping to their vows.. just been to a wedding yesterday.. it was sweet when the bride read out a poem she wrote for the groom.. her vows.. which she promised for eternity.. they both look dashing in their matching pink gown and suit.. we were watching a video clip which the couple took... telling us about how they met.. and all..

which made me realise.. the person you are marrying can never be the person you've been dreaming of.. even if your dream girl/guy need not have the perfect face, perfect body.. they can never be your dream one.. cause everyone's their own.. personality... character... they have special qualities that even, your dream one may not possess... it's what 2 people have gone through together and still be able to stick it through till the end, that creates a strong bond.. not the finding of your dream one..

if you link it together, the meaning of dream in my perception.. it would just translate to.. a game that you play in your life, in your searches.. simply to beautify your life.....


one whose imperfections makes them perfect...
one who is the world in the eyes of another..

i don't know where to start off.. how to... so it's been a year.. my first ever entry was dated on 14th August 2004.. yeap.. many things took place in my life.. i can't believe it.. it felt like no time has passed at all.. no doubt the weight of what i had gone thru.. good and bad.. that aside, i am where i am.. with some things that i had not managed to accomplish.. things which i want to declare.. matters which i want to settle.. true feelings i very much want to know.. all that, i can't achieve now.. not anymore.. unless anyone of u would like to sit down with me and talk over coffee? haha.. then again.. i'm busy to even have time to sit and reflect.. no serenity.. no privacy..

so, life as a manager.. the pay's kind of measly.. i'd appreciate it if it's a little bit more above that figure.. well, at least i need not wait anymore.. it'll drive me crazy, every minute that i got to wait.. for something which i don't even think i would be able to get.. so why not grab something i know is already waiting for me.. i came into the managerial life with enthusiam.. looking forward to what i can learn.. to what i need to do.. to what i need not do.. i was out of the world when i received news that i would be back at Causeway Point.. no doubt it won't be for long.. but i know it's a moment of bliss that i should appreciate.. i was still ecstatic when i found out that i will be going to Suntec.. wooo hooo! i would be able to see Az and Yanling.. i was to start on 2nd of Sept.. everything was planned.. Jacky was waiting to receive me.. i was waiting to go..

plans were made as for my last day's celebration.. Meiling all hyped up.. Winson wanting me to sing with him... everyone was as excited as me.. and to think that it was all crushed by just one woman... she's Amaida.. who is she? Bishan J8's outlet manager.. yes.. she used to be at Causeway Point.. not that i detest her... i had no problems with her.. she's strict.. she's hard to please.. pretty much all.. after work, she's a nice person.. different from her domineering self.. she wants me to be there.. she wants me in J8.. all because her current manager can't work and she don't like one bit of her.. her name's Rashidah.. i worked with her before.. found her a pleasant person.. don't see anything that bad.. even if she was that bad, it only reflected back at Amaida.. how she trained her trainees.. so, she happily decided to shove Rashidah over to Suntec and grab me instead... Jacky pissed like hell.. me upset to the max.. Jacky's plans changed totally.. my hopes crushed into millions...

how i'm coping with it... pretty bad.. i am demoralised now.. i begin to wonder how long would i last.. there's precedence.. as much as i hate for history to repeat itself.. i would with joy, let history repeat should it be necessary.. and then there's Daniel..... *sigh* i have no idea things were that bad.. with him.. i guess that'll be for another day when i'll unleash my thoughts..

Happy Birthdays!

To Shahana (13th August 2005):
i haven't seen u fer ages and i miss u! haha.. the last i saw u was fer graduation.. always the quiet one.. she who speaks her mind.. the one who understands without knowin.. the one who does things no others dared to.. well.. i wouldn't hafta worry about u gettin a partner.. unlike Vit and Az.. den again u can be quite different in ur choices.. hahaha.. wishin u all the best in ur future endeavours.. tt life be one full of adventures and be it a great learnin journey... and a new chapter in ur life has begun.. embrace each special moments in life.. hugz and kisses!

To Azhani (19th August 2005):
sweetheart, hope u enjoyed ur celebration tho most ppl were not der.. i had wished fer a party fer u but alas.. a small one fer u and with the most impt ppl bein der.. bein 21st means tt u are a year older den me and u shld start behavin like one.. haha.. missed chillin out with u.. missed sleepin in ur bed.. missed laughin with u.. missed doin stuff with u lady.. oh well.. we'll haf time fer tt.. anyway.. all the best wishes from me to u.. like Vit.. itz time fer u to get a boyfriend.. haha.. start screenin the WHITE MEATS.. :D

i pray the best fer u.. thanx fer bein the one listenin to me at nites when i noe i can't find no one else.. thanx fer seein things tt i dun.. thanx fer bein der when i need u to.. most of all.. thanx fer bein u... glad we are friends.. now now.. aren't u totally happy to be friends with the most arrogant person u ever see.. hahaha.. till i see u again.. take care! miss u loads!

i almost blew my own's birthday celebration with G15.. remembered i told Ana tt i would be able to make it on Sat.. but instead she told me tt i told her tt i was free on Sun.. haha.. had to convince Guorong to take over my shift.. haha..

yea.. it was late.. but i still appreciate it guys.. i understand.. u guys are busy.. and me.. everythin was not really in order.. haha.. i had a great time with em.. we decided to go to the Sofran Turkish Restaurant.. never been der in my life before.. the whole decor was beautiful.. it was nice... the ambience and all.. the "lepak corner" as we called it..

the stairs tt seemed nvr endin.. the photo whores who made it a point to take pictures even at the staircase and blockin ppl's way.. the noisy bunch of kids who were der to celebrate one of their fren's bdae.. the cute waiter tt caught someone's attention.. the appetisers -> red lentil soup and cacik.. i almost spelt it as cicak.. thanks to Izad.. the food -> shish kebab, chef's plate, izgara somethin and something something.. and of coz, a Turkish Pizza i haf no idea watz itz called.. hahaha..

so after dinner.. with a full and bloated tummy... i decided to open my prezzie.. tho i already kinda knew tt it was a handbag.. so wen i opened it.. it was beautiful... thanks ladies fer gettin it.. and thanks Az fer knowin my choice.. i luurve it! hahaha.. and not to mention another suprise tt i got wen i peeked inside the handbag.. it was a panty! it was cute.. with fairy in front.. and it was my size! haha.. again credits to Az fer knowin how wide my bottom is.. haha..

we left and was deciding on which toilet to visit coz i was needin it... so tt was wen a technical glitch happened.. i tink it was wen Rosita was gonna enter in Azila's body and she failed.. ttz why Azila kinda had a trip.. hahaha.. yea.. fancy Rosita enterin from a bag with flattened cans.. haha.. after which we decided to go over to Esplanade from Suntec.. watch tis band perform some oldies... haha... den moved on to watch the under 25.. which Pin Holes was performin fer the National Day celebration.. met one of the members wen we went to send Ted off.. Fahmy was his name.. no wonder i thot he kinda looked familiar... Fen and Ling came and joined..

end of the show we stayed on and crapped.. haha.. my nenek and ah gong.. ah gong tryin to seduce nenek back.. youngest grandchild claimin 20 long years of bdae presents.. my dad juz keepin quiet coz my mum left.. i figured he was lonely.. poor dad.. and the child who was picked from the garbage was present.. poor her.. i tink the top was too big fer her ttz why keep slipping off.. might be some hand downs..

hahaha.. thanks all of u who took time to come.. Ana who organised, my darling Vithya, my twin sista Azila, my gorgeous lady in black skirt Yanie, my ever no shame sex goddess Azhani, my dude who can't aim properly Izad, my scandalous pair Fen and Ling, of coz the couple, Sof and Ab.. to the rest who can't make it.. itz alrite.. we shall look forward to the August babies celebration k...

everytime i wanna update my blog, i wun be at home.. and by the time i get home, i get so tired i would haf forgotten wat i wanna update abt.. der were many things that i had in mind.. things that mattered.. i guess itz alrite now..

so i celebrated my birthday on 22nd.. i got my birthday present much earlier den the actual day.. ttz coz someone juz can't resist givin it to me.. itz okie with me coz i pretty much knew wat the present was.. it was Nokia 6230i.. yea.. uh huh.. i am in love with my new phone now.. itz only a matter of time before i change phones again.. =P heh.

on the eve of my birthday.. i met Fn, Ling and Az fer Fantastic 4.. Adrian followed coz we were goin somewhere else after tt.. so yea.. Fantastic 4... nothin too fantastic... had late dinner after the show at BK.. everythin was great... catchin up with our first Army boy.. or maybe man now eh.. so yea... left at abt 11.. said goodbyes and i wondered wen i would see Fn again...

headed home and met Hafiz fer awhile.. he gave me his present.. it was nothin much but yea.. it was thoughtful.. i appreciate it.. so yea.. chatted fer awhile.. drove him home.. me and Adrian we went to the place he wasn't gonna tell me where.. i kinda figured it out 3/4 of the way already... Hill Bistro.. yea.. he brought me back to the place where i brought him fer his birthday... it was much nicer at nite of coz.. i had a couple of drinks.. and off we went..

so in the mornin, we followed my dad to the market.. by the time we reached home, dinner was ready and it tasted great of coz... didn't eat much coz i couldn't.. somehow i can't....

the day after my birthday, kinda went out with Fiza, Yaya and Syikin... in a way to celebrate my birthday... in others, to catch up.. itz been ages since the last time the four of us went out together.. "DFSY" ttz wat we called ourselves.. durin sec sch days.. yea.. somehow, somewhere.. all of us fell out with each other.. except fer me and Fiza.. things were rocky then.. ask me now.. i'd tell u it was very childish.. ask the rest, i bet they'll agree... we caught The Island... not really a recommendable show frm me... save ur money unless u really got nowhere else to spend it and u kinda got tonnes of it..

the day was great in overall.. i got the white skirt i've always been eyein frm Topshop.. it was a bargain... i was glad i waited... kinda bought perfumes on impulse.. if u noe me.. i am easily persuaded... much regretted after tt... found out more things frm Fiza.. wat i missed out..

i realised things has changes a great deal... our relationships with each other... they are beyond repair.. not tt we do not want to be frenz with each other anymore.. but it would always come.. tt awkward moment with each other.. how those years apart could bring so much... so much damage... we were the four pillars of a frenship.. we leaned on each other.. we hoped fer each other.. we cried together.. we shared everything.. we were always the first to noe.. but now... we are all different.. shaped by the many experiences we went thru.. hardened by life's injustice...

we need to start somewhere.. we will make things better i noe.. it will.. we all hope... never fret... i will be der fer all of u ladies... i pray fer the better... anyway... itz Peiling's birthday today.... saw her at werk.. itz the first time i ever see a person voluntarily werkin on her birthday.. hahaha.. anyway... i wish u all the best in all tt u do... Happy Sweet 19th Birthday... may all ur wishes come true and stay cheerful always.. the way u are... smile always... be crazy! *kisses*